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Blog Entry 67 of 182 Bad Mom
I call myself Bad Mom because at the time I came up with it, I was learning about the assumptions we put behind our words. I was following the pattern of not believing that my kids are okay, and speaking to them from that basis. I changed that, and it made a big difference. I am from Utah and my people are still living there. My husband was in the Air Force and we rattled around until we saw Colorado, and we stuck.

Blog Url: http://denver.yourhub.com/~Huh

Candidate bar hopping redux
Contributed by: Lisa Arata   on 5/18/2008

(This is a redoing of an earlier blog that I liked. The idea isn't original but my reworking of it was genius, I thought anyway. At the time I wrote it, December of last year, I didn't know that McCain was going to be the guy. So I've added him to the candidate bar hopping contest to help you see who's going to be elected.)

Here are the rules for who wins:
1. Best Karaoke
2. Trash talk
3. Darts
4. Beer bong
5. Country line dance
6. Fight out back

Points: 0, 1, 2, 3
0=icky thump
1=whatever...
2=okay
3=all right!

1. Karaoke

Clinton: Can't sing in tune, but picks a song everybody thinks is appropriate for her campaign,1
Obama: Plays the race card. Picks something by Earth Wind and Fire. Good falsetto. 3
Giuliani: Picks Frank Sinatra. 2
Romney: Picks a patriotic rock song like Born in the USA. Not a good singer. In tune. 1.
McCain: Saves all his prettiest singing for when he's in the shower at home. Won't do it in public. 0.

2. Trash Talk (best lines)

Clinton: "I'm mo of a sustah than you a bruthah, oreo." 1
Obama: "Excuse me, did I hear somebody call herself a cookie?" 3
Giuliani: "Oh, that's gotta hurt. Not as bad as when your city gets blown up, but woise than when ya husband gets blown. Up." 1
Romney :"Where are your minds? In the gutter. Pure and simple. 0
McCain: "What's wrong with you, you stupid M** F** (Long line of unprintable suggestions.) 3

3. Darts

Clinton all low scoring but on the board 1
Obama one close to the bullseye, the rest on the wall 1
Giuliani One on the bullseye, one on the outside, one missed 1
Romney All near-bullseye because he's stone cold sober 3
McCain, not even looking, nails them all like he was born doing it. 3

4. Beer bong

C: Administers it to herself. You can't tell the difference between drunk and sober 1
O: Gets sloshy and can't pronounce words but is funny 3
G: Shakes his head and sits in the chair. Knows lots of drinking games and songs and dirty jokes 2
R: Falls on his butt and passes out 1
M: Loose and easy, downs all the beer, jumps up and waves arms in triumph. 3

5. Line Dancing (This should happen before event 4, come to think of it)

C. Ooh. Ugly. 0
O: Knows how to move hips. Adds a little something. 2
G: Gamely plays along, willing to look like the clown. 1
R: Learns it in 2passes but can't move hips 1
M: Simply won't. 0.

6. Fight out back

C: Crotch kicks, hair pulls 3
O: Gets sucker punch 0
G: Gets a black eye. Gives broken nose, humiliating a** kick 3
R: Feints and dodges, then back-hand slaps 3
M. Walks up, stares the opponent in the eye even though he's shorter, unleashes a barrage of nasty words looking cool as a cucumber, then just when the guy is about to punch him, says, "You better check your truck tires, I flattened them when you thought I went to the restroom, and by the way this is your girlfriend's bra in my pocket. What were we doing again?" 3.

Score: Let's see how they did

Clinton: 7
Obama: 12
Giuliani: 10
Romney: 9
McCain: 12

God help us!!!

TIE BREAKER

Obama and McCain are neck and neck, both scoring twelve. Both have high and low bar survival skills. So what's next?

Hangover

Clinton is back at work, doing whatever she does.
Giuliani was kind of glad to go back to doing all these same things in private.
Romney left to go repent, then practice for next bar hopping night.

Obama comes out and says he never did any of these things and that people who say he did, especially those who witnessed the karaoke, are simply racist.

McCain is fine and says he merely slashed the guy's tires to avoid physically hurting any person, and that he did the guy's girlfriend to help him know what kind of a skanky sl** she is, so he was doing him a favor.

McCain wins. That's my prediction. The half who voted for Obama are further alienated and disgusted. Big trouble. brewing.




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Showing 1 of 1 comments
Submitted By: Gladys Mercier
posted on 5/19/2008 @ 7:45:51 PM
Rated Blog Entry
Very clever Lisa.
[Report as objectionable]
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CONTRIBUTOR INFORMATION

Lisa Arata

Greeley , CO

Lisa Arata has posted 182 blog entries and 282 comments since joining on 4/18/2007. Lisa Arata 's average blog rating is 4.74.
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