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'Idol' power rankings: The Guys Part II

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Contributed by: Eric Lubbers/Sarah Blomstrom on 3/4/2008

5. David Hernandez / "A Canadian Actor Portraying Ricky Martin"
Eric: His nickname is a riff on a joke David Letterman made about Mitt Romney ("He looks like the American president in a Canadian movie") and it's about the sum of his appeal and his problems. For some reason he chose to sing a song made famous by Celine Dion. He did a passable job, nothing going wrong, but really, nothing great. He's a perfect "meh" of a performer. (Also, some people have photos of him being a stripper at a bunch of gay bars in Arizona. Heh.)

Sarah: I don't know. Again, I don't really like the guy. He comes off as pretentious, but in a different way from David Cook (the stripper thing might be making sense now...I bet he stares at himself in mirrors a lot and is often tempted to wink at himself...but buddy, get a grip. Have you even looked at Jason Castro's face? You are not the cutest guy on the show). I thought he was rather okay last week even though I didn't want to like any of his performances, but this performance really wasn't my thing. It was all showy and male Celine-y. Ew. But at least he didn't sound completely horrendous (like our final three remaining contestants) so I guess he earns this ranking.

Original Artist video©
Celine Dion - It's All Coming Back To Me Now
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R8BZSlqEQ1U

6. Chikeze / "The Guy With The Polos"
Eric: I don't like Chikeze. At all. If there weren't two people on this list I disliked more, he would be at the bottom. I hate his attitude, his preppy style and his horrible song choice. I'm not joking, he sang a Sister Sledge/Whitney Houston song called "All The Man That I Need." Do I need to add anything here?

Sarah: In my book, Chikeze has two identities. The first is boring and forgettable. The second is wannabe smartass...that comes off as forced and ultimately is boring and forgettable. I didn't see his appeal last week (I get that he inserted his name into the song and that was sort of sassy and soulful seeming...I guess? But if that's all it takes to get a good review...well, who am I kidding? That is probably all it takes to get a good review. Luke Menard should have been taking notes) and he was positively dreadful this week. It was all over the place...and yet still remained pretty boring (my ears hurt while I was nodding off, if you get the picture). But because the producers put him last, Randy and Paula still said it was good (they will always praise the final performance no matter how awful it is. I don't think Randy actually thought this one was good but thought it must be good since it was last. I swear he lives in fear of dissing something Simon likes and looking like an ignorant poseur or something...which, dude might have a point. The Simple Minds error was pretty atrocious). I cannot believe that Jason Castro was not put last. I'm biased as hell, sure, but it was a great performance that would've ended the night on a nice, non-sucky note. I swear Leonard Cohen (even one of the most accessible of his songs that has been covered over and over...and featured in freaking Shrek might I had) scares the producers ("What would our audience think? It isn't even a soul/R&B song [note: the only good songs on the show tend to come from these genres] and yet it doesn't suck! I'm confused! Ahhhhh!").

Original Artist video©
Whitney Houston-All The Man That I Need
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AXIWOg6rYHY

7. Danny Noriega / "The Really, Really, Really Flamboyant One"
Eric: He's like all the world's most outspoken, annoying "whatever" teenagers in the country rolled up into a screechy, b!tchy eye-rolling freak. Sorry, I got distracted. He sang a horrible rendition of "Tainted Love" that was way out his range. Plus he has his weirdo hatred of Christmas ( *link*).

Sarah: Everyone on this show should know that "Tainted Love" is a horrible song choice. It just isn't what the judges (read: Simon) are looking for. Randy kind of surprised me by liking it (Paula obviously counts as a non-judge) but Simon's reaction was basically my reaction. And Noriega seriously gets on my nerves...the whining just drives me insane. He could learn some things from David Archuleta (like how to be nice and unassuming) or even better, from Christian on Project Runway (like how to be actually talented and happy and funny while still retaining the extreme flamboyance). On the very small upside, he's one of the prettier people on the show (I'd say he beats out all but two of the girls).

Original Artist video©
Soft Cell - Tainted Love
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VRxI22zuLFs

8. Luke Menard / "The Sad Little Luke Perry Look-A-Like"
Eric: I have nothing against Luke. He seems like a nice guy, and there are only two reasons he's at the bottom of the power rankings this week: 1) He looks depressed and miserable on stage and 2) He sang "Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go." Bon voyage, you weird little guy.

Sarah: I disagree with Eric on this one. I don't actually think he's depressed or miserable. I think he actually still thinks he deserves to be there and wants to go to the top. He's not cocky, mind you, but I think he's just confused why people don't see his incredible talent (that people swoon over in other countries when he's singing in his lame a cappela group). He just needs to go though. I was embarrassed for him (and have been, since the very first time I saw/heard him sing). Why they chose him (and every guy besides the top four of this list, for that matter) over Josiah Leming is beyond me.

Original Artist video©
Wham! - Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hksil-KkebQ

9. Robbie Carrico / "The Phoniest Contestant Ever"
Eric: So what if he got voted off last week? He will forever occupy the bottom spot, because he was the worst contestant ever. Anyone who thinks that Rock = Lots of Skulls on "Badass" Head Scarves deserves all the scorn we can heap on him.

Sarah: Burn! I was actually really disappointed when he got voted off (despite really, really hating the guy) because I loved dissing him so. Oh well, at least I can still give him last place in a ranking he isn't even eligible for. Nice.

That's it for the guys this week. We'll be back tomorrow for the girls. Got a bone to pick? Leave us a comment below.

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