Article Contributed on: 9/27/2006 5:19:16 PM
If you like paying $10 for a drink, waiting in lines, and being charged a cover, you probably won't like my list of favorite downtown bars.
Even if you don't, you may not like my choices. After all, bars are like
Paris Hilton - they serve a wide variety of clientele and you leave wondering how they got so successful.
So here's a list of my favorites, put into categories that you won't see in your average newspaper review:
Most efficient way to get hammered:
The Rio. Step 1: Order large house margarita. Step 2: Drink. Step 3: Repeat steps 1 and 2, but only twice because they have a 3 drink limit for a reason.
Best classy bar:
Mynt. Like Denver's other trendy bars -
Monarch,
Lime,
Lotus - Mynt has a one-word name. But Mynt one-ups them all by not only using a single word moniker, but by replacing an 'i' with a 'y'. Could they be any trendier? Oh, and I think their $3 mojito happy hour is pretty cool too
.
Best "people watching:"
Lodo's Denver. By "people" I mean hoochie mamas and desperate frat guys, and by "watching" I mean the can't-help-but-look voyeurism of said mama and frat boy in a quasi-pornographic display at the edge of the dance floor. You may have to stop by confession on the way home or drench yourself in holy water, but DJ Kevin's fun dance music makes every Hail Mary worthwhile.
Best odds of meeting a guy:
Sports Column. This is my favorite downtown bar. The name may be scaring off girls, but every time my girl friends and I go, we have a fun time. The guy-girl ratio is similar to a Tool concert, but a lot less angry (unless their team just lost, of course).
Best odds of meeting a girl:
Rise. I've been to Rise twice. Once they had a male strip show, and the second time was ladies night. Both draw in lots of women. Whereas this wouldn't typically be my kind of scene, any place that hosts a stripping former NFL player has my vote.
Best place to go on an "ugly" night:
Double Daughter's. This bar is dark and beautiful - perfect for when you're not feeling your best but still want to go out. In addition to this bar's magic camouflaging properties, they have the coolest atmosphere of any downtown bar. If that isn't enough to brighten your self-image, try their specialty drink that mixes 17 liquors together. That'll get you singing your own praises.
Best guilty pleasure:
Polly Esther's. It's not a bar so much as a dance club, but they serve drinks and I love it, so I think it counts. My friends dread my birthday each year because they know they're obligated to come here. Even though they won't admit it, they love dancing here because it's about - surprise! - dancing, instead of being seen, like at so many other Denver clubs.
Best slurpee impersonations:
Swanky's. The name is horrendous, I know. In fact, I would never have gone in if I hadn't mistaken it for the Sports Column (right next door). But they have a wall of frozen drinks for a decent price, a shuffleboard table, and erotic photo hunt in their video game collection, so it can't be all bad.
Like it or not, that's my list. This weekend, head downtown to one of my bars, or to any of Denver's countless drinking establishments.
Because unlike Paris Hilton, Denver bars have something to offer everyone.