Article Contributed on: 11/2/2009 10:33:32 AM
Holiday parties aren't always jammed with jolly ho-ho-ho's - especially when family is involved. You can't control other people's actions, but you can control your own. Here are some tips to help you bring positive holiday cheer to whatever gathering you attend.
Tip #1 Be a Beacon of Positive Energy
Start preparing well in advance. (Right now is good.) Commit to staying positive no matter what. Put your commitment in writing and keep it in a place where you can review it daily.
Make a checklist of the suggestions outlined here. Leave space between items where you can write a recap of how well you did. Plan to come back and rate your performance on a scale of 1 to 10 or devise a system to award yourself "positive energy points."
Tip #2 Greet with Gusto
Visualize your arrival. Imagine yourself walking in with a big smile, a firm handshake or a hearty hug. Make sure your body language and posture project the message that you're happy to be there.
Use direct eye contact and try an occasional touch to the arm or shoulder. Greeting people warmly goes a long way in creating a positive energy exchange.
Tip #3 Come Bearing Gifts
Do not arrive empty handed! If you were given a food assignment don't wait until the last minute to get it organized; execute it to the best of your ability whether your make it or buy it.
If the hostess said to "just bring yourself," you still need to contribute. Appropriate suggestions include flowers, candles, cookies, candy, an ornament or perhaps a basket of scented pine cones. Your gift doesn't have to be expensive to be effective.
Tip #4 Silence is Golden
Remember that the only person you can control is yourself -- in particular your reactions -- to people, places and things. Resolve to express only positive reactions.
If you can't say something nice... you still get points for saying nothing. Visualize positive (or silent) responses a few minutes every day as part of your preparation process.
Tip#5 Try It Sober
Avoid alcohol (and other mind altering substances) before and during the event. Alcohol is a great promoter of conflict and regrettable remarks -- things you absolutely want to avoid.
Quietly ask yourself if you can think of any time where alcohol contributed to a negative experience with the people you are about to be with, either from your own consumption or someone else's.
If the answer is yes, honor your commitment to "stay positive no matter what" by passing on the booze. Look at it as an experiment. Watch what alcohol does to everyone else during the gathering. It's fascinating!
Tip #6 Keep Busy
Go out of your way to be courteous and helpful. Play a game with bored kids, talk to Auntie Em in the corner, set the table, sling turkey and spuds, take out the trash, or help with the clean-up. Make a point of participating and helping vigorously while you rack up those positive energy points.
Tip #7 Plan Your Escape Route
Have an exit strategy. If things get out of control, you can quietly exercise your option leave.
Tip #8 Stay Connected
Take your phone (politely set it on vibrate). If you think you're about to lose it, go somewhere private and call a friend. You'll need to arrange this in advance.
Another idea is to text progress reports at pre-specified times. Of course, you need to be willing to return the favor for your friend.
Tip #9 Ask, Listen, Repeat
Actively engage people in conversation. People love to talk about themselves, so ask questions about neutral topics that are of interest to them. Ask a lot of questions and for heaven's sake, listen to the answers.
A good technique is to re-phrase and repeat what was just said to you. This shows you are paying attention and usually sparks and idea for the next question. More positive energy points right here!
Tip #10 Connect with Spirit
Take an imaginary spiritual guide with you. Resolve to quietly consult your guide before you react in a way you might later regret.
Know that your guide is there for moral support and strength, and that together you can do this. Some people envision having their guide keep an arm around their shoulder (or a hand over their mouth).
Tip #11 Stay Calm
If you feel yourself getting tense, take a few deep breaths. Inhale through the nose, hold it for two or three seconds, and slowly exhale through the mouth. Don't just wait for the party to practice this one... it's a good habit to use every day.
Tip #12 Attitude is Everything
Conduct yourself in the true spirit of the holidays... showing kindness, love and tolerance to all. When you get home, thank your spirit guide for supporting you and review how it all turned out. Congratulate yourself on the things you did well and take a brief look at how you might improve in the future, then lie back and enjoy a silent, satisfied night.
Laura Speek is the creator of Journals for Positive Change, "guided journals" that encourage physical, emotional and spiritual health (http://journalsforpositivechange.com). Contact her at: laura@journalsforpositivechange.com.