Am I the only one that finds it ironic that a man named Huey was a ladies man? First thought that comes to mind is Louey and Douey, but after that I laugh at the idea of some woman shouting "Oh Huey" at the top of her lungs.

Irony or not, the news is out. Women loved them some Huey. However, there is one song that indicates that maybe Mr. Lewis grew tired of his wild and wooley way of life. It has the usual "News" beat ... but listen closely to the words of a recovering man. A man who isn't ashamed to drive in the carpool lane.

"Hip to be Square" tells the story of a man who well ... I'm not exactly sure what the hell it tells the story of. But I love a good challenge, so I shall try to analyze the song verse by verse for your reading pleasure.

"I used to be a renegade, I used to fool around. But I couldn't take the punishment, and had to settle down. Now I'm playing it real straight, and yes I cut my hair. You might think I'm crazy, but I don't even care. Because I can tell what's going on. It's hip to be square."

I'm glad Huey can tell what's going on because I haven't a clue. In fact, I read this verse four times and still couldn't figure it out. However, I shall do my best to translate it for you, the reader . . .

Huey used to be one real macho prick, screwing just about anything that breathed. I'm not exactly certain if it was the crabs, the clap, or the conscience, but Huey decided enough was enough, and yes, he got his hair cut. I know I know, you probably think that he's crazy, but see if Huey gives a damn, he knows, he's a nonconformist, and just because you want the clap, he doesn't. Why you ask? It's hip to be square.

"I like my bands in business suits, I watch them on TV. I'm working out 'most everyday and watching what I eat. They tell me that it's good for me, but I don't even care. I know that it's crazy. I know that it's nowhere. But there is no denying that. It's hip to be square."

This song just keeps getting weirder and weirder ... I promised you I would translate, and I will stick it through. Here goes ...

Huey likes musical groups who dress up. No, not dress up like the Village People. Rather, dress up like Robert Palmer and his robot women. Huey likes professionally dressed musicians. In fact, he likes them so much he watches them on TV. Having given up fornicating on a nightly basis, Mr. Lewis gained some weight.

Not to worry, Huey is exercising and eating mustard salads like the girls who sat at the "Karen Carpenter table" in high school. He knows all this is very good for him, but Huey is a humble man, and yes while it's not as fun as fornicating and he has no life, Huey sticks to his guns, it's hip to be square.

"It's not too hard to figure out, you see it everyday. And those that were the farthest out have gone the other way. You see them on the freeway, It don't look like a lot of fun. But don't you try to fight it; "An idea who's time has come."

Wow ... the News really should have stopped while they were ahead.

You don't have to be a genius to figure out that once you get the clap, life slows down. Everyday, you see people, you work with people, you attend high holy day services with people who used to be users and boozers who have hung their hat. What are they doing now? They are driving a mini van in the carpool lane, they have two child safety seats and a "honk if you love Krispy Kreme" bumper sticker. They look completely miserable, and they probably are. But don't try to fight it, after you have the whoring and the drinking out of your system, you too will submit to this way of life.

"Don't tell me that I'm crazy. Don't tell me I'm nowhere. Take it from me. It's hip to be square."

Huey Lewis, you sir are crazy! The News is going nowhere. It is not hip to be square! From what you described in your song, life really starts to suck. You find yourself with crabs watching the Statler Brothers on TV and driving in the carpool lane on the way to your dead end job at some stuffy office.

How can we stop this from happening? Sadly, I haven't an answer. Huey Lewis and the News became washed up "has beens" before they could write a follow up to this song. My only advice: for now, while youcan, follow the Gene Simmons philosophy of life: "Rock and roll all night ... and party everyday." That way when you get the clap you can at least say it was fun while it lasted.

The bottom line: Huey Lewiswas full of crap.