I received a phone call a few days ago from a father in distress over the soon-to-be expected arrival of a second child he conceived with his ex. Ex? Apparently, he had gone "back to the well" once again, only to be terrified of the concept and left unhappily alone to ponder his plight handling the responsibility of raising another little one on the way.

This information about him was not forthcoming to me; hence, his dilemma was not immediately evident. After 5 minutes of conversation had gone by with this man, I still had yet to put a finger on why he was calling me. It was utterly obvious by his hedging that he needed a little help, so I broke out my shovel and began to dig for more information until I hit pay dirt. Armed with a barrage of questions and unloading them in this fact-finding mission, I was finally able to identify his real concern by coaxing it out of him by means of carefully reconstructing the beginning of his relationship with the child's mother and the current dynamic existing between them, as well as assessing the present living situation between him and his daughter.

What it really all came down to was him just needing someone to talk to, and I was glad I could be there and listen.

Unlike most of the calls I periodically get from fathers swimming in a sea of panic usually caused by their inability to see their children, or because they are on the verge of losing everything due to encumbering child support payments, this dad was actually on the opposite end of the spectrum. While enjoying shared custody of his first child (3 overnights per week) and paying a nominal amount of child support, his fears and concerns were completely different than what I have become accustomed to hearing over the last year and a half since I started Single Dads Resource Center.

Funny thing is...I immediately related to him.

In the spring of 2003, I took full custody of my 17 month old son and haven't looked back since. At that time, it became evident to me that I would have to step up to the plate and change virtually everything about the way I was living, which was a lot to say the least.

My son was at a fork in the road and he didn't even know it.

His mother has had a long history of mental illness, which is why she constantly found herself in upheaval with the Department of Human Services in both Denver and Arapahoe Counties. She had previously lost custody of two of her four children, so her illness and escapades were already well documented when the hammer came down as a result of one more of her now famous antics ensuing 6 months of our separation.

That was when I found myself at that same fork in the road as my son. With most of my adulthood spent living a free-wheeling and self indulgent lifestyle, I suddenly found myself solely responsible for a boy whom I loved very much. Simultaneously, I was scared to death of not being up to the 24/7/365 task of providing for my son the way I knew he needed and deserved to be.

Nonetheless, I was convinced his only options were with me or to be placed in foster care as a ward of the state...all because I had little faith in his mother changing her spots and then suddenly becoming a good role model. Even so, I still held out hope that losing custody of him would be one hell of a wake-up call for her and possibly prompt her into action. In the meantime, it was my responsibility to clean up my own side of the street and love him as much as was in my capacity. By making him both the focus of my world and my absolute highest priority, keeping him healthy, happy, and safe turned out to be the natural result in the grand scheme of things.

In the last three years, I can honestly say I have learned more about myself through my son then I could ever have imagined or hoped for. I am stronger than I thought I was, happier than I believed was possible, and undeniably filled with the tenet that love is truly life sustainable. Because of those three simple truths, I have a new-found conviction that all things are possible.

If someone would have told me how scary it would sometimes get, I might not have wanted to get out of bed and face it on those mornings. It definitely has not been easy. Being a single parent has been the hardest job I have ever done without a doubt, but it is also the most complete and fulfilling experience I have ever known. If you ask one of the fathers in our weekly parenting class, each and every one of them will tell you the same thing I just did.

I guess in some ways ignorance really is a grateful state of bliss; otherwise, I might have tried to talk myself out of the whole damn thing, though deep down I know it would have been an act of futility.

After talking with this dad for awhile and sharing my experience, I could sense his feeling a little more at ease with the whole situation in front of him. I suggested he show up at our next parenting class and connect with some of the guys living on the other side of the tracks; guys that I knew were wishing they could be in his shoes. I was sure that after seeing their situations, he would come to realize how good he really has it with his own.

I am happy to say that he was in attendance and was a contributing factor to a very inspiring night that presented three fathers with certificates of completion for their attendance.

SDRC's free Parenting Classes continue every Wednesday evening from 5:30-7:30 p.m. at Holy Trinity Lutheran Church, 6322 S. Lakeview St. in Littleton. A free Support Group for single fathers, sponsored in conjunction with Families First, starts on July 29, and will be held each Saturday from 9:00-11:00 a.m. at the Kaiser Permanente building, 7701 Sheridan Blvd. in Arvada. Visit the Single Dads Resource Center website at www.sdrci.org, or call Jamey O'Donnell at 720-298-2021 for more information.