Dan and Judy Gordon, of Denver, have written an open, revealing book about a difficult subject - dealing with life-threatening illness, and doing it as a couple.

In October of 2003, Judy was diagnosed with breast cancer. The emotional and physical journey that these high school sweethearts traveled in dealing with the dread disease they decided they should tell, honestly and openly.

They have self-published The Heroics of Falling Apart: One Couples' Breast Cancer Journey. While publishers they approached liked the book, one told the couple cancer books simply didn't sell well. They chose iUniverse to self-publish the story of their struggle.

The story of their cancer ordeal and the writing of it, they feel, may serve as a model for others on finding their own way of dealing with a life-altering situation.

While one publisher they brought the book proposal to suggested they present a "guide" to dealing with cancer, Judy said the point of the book is that you have to find your own way. "We just hope to open up the conversation to people who think that there are different ways to deal with it," she said.

While his wife was "falling apart," Dan recounts that he had to do some adapting, i.e., "keep my mouth shut, support her and let her do it her way because she's the one who's going through it."

The Gordons have a different perspective on how the situation of dealing with a life-threatening illness changes people as well. Judy read some books that seemed to take the approach that you can, will and must change - and reflect on your life, figure out what's missing.

Judy said her response was "Wait a minute I really like my life, I just happen to have this disease at the moment, and yes, while going through this experience will change me, I don't want the pressure of thinking I have to change my life."

Dan says because Judy felt so satisfied with her life up to that point, the cancer was not a metaphor for something missing; instead it intensified the feelings.

Regarding writing about this experience, while they did not decide on a book until much later, Judy did journal her experiences. Because she writes for a living, that and correspondence were important, and, she says, they decided they would write honestly about what was happening.

They are as open about their experiences as you can imagine, describing them in two voices, over a dozen chapters. The bookends of the narrative are two Race for the Cure events - from one held just before Judy's diagnosis, to the same event a year later, after her surgeries and treatment were completed.

The Gordons told YourHub.com while they may have had some hesitation about reliving the experience for a book, they were well-prepared.

Both write - Dan writes for pleasure, mostly fiction, and Judy is a writer and editor specializing in projects for nonprofits and organizations. Neither had a book in mind at the time of their cancer journey.

Dan explains that rather than a jointly written narrative, they've each written candidly about their own experiences through this time.

The writing was sometimes eye-opening for each other; in the emotions sometimes felt and not expressed at the time.

Judy says people who've read their book tell them it's not easy to put down - a real "page turner" as they take the reader along on the journey: From one doctor optimistically saying the treatment would be just a "damn inconvenience" of an outpatient surgery and some radiation, to the reality of three full surgeries, including a mastectomy, and rounds of chemotherapy and radiation therapy later.

Judy points out that being strong and stoically resolute emotionally may be typical of some stories you hear about people dealing with cancer - but was not the case with her.

She says she had to "fall apart" emotionally, and also recruit the close support of family and friends, "the cavalry," in order to deal with it.

In the book, Judy states: "Perhaps the best spin to put on my journey was that I simply did it my way. And as it turned out, that was the only way I could have done it if I wanted to survive. And I did survive, but to do that, I had to fall apart. People who inquire about my experience receive my candid reply: I literally fell apart. I want to be authentic in my replies, just as I had been authentic in letting my emotions rule me at times while I went through the experience."

Dan, who had the role of lead caregiver, provides this insight in the book about his wife's approach: "Unfortunately, flashing the peace sign at the juggernaut bursting through her door spared Judy none of the consequences. No terms were offered simply because Judy refused to fight back. Cancer came and attacked her full force, and I witnessed her wither before it. I thought she needed to do something more; falling apart did not seem enough of a response. But in the immediacy and reality of the moment, I had to defer to her and then actively support her way of dealing with it. In retrospect, it is easy to see that doing so was the only way."

There were many surprises for the Gordons during the fight and even while writing their account two years after the fact; things they hadn't said or revealed to each other at the time.

"We each cried over each other's writing," Judy said, "after being through all that."

Dan gives keen personal insight into cancer's impact in the book, observing: "... whatever spin anyone chooses to put on their cancer experience, the bottom line is all about death. That makes it the experience it is. Once the diagnosis is made, all that's left are victims and survivors. And the only way to avoid being a victim is to be a survivor long enough to die of something else."

As Judy notes in the introduction, "Although our journey was unwelcome, it also held its own knowledge and gifts. Our hope is that we can share the knowledge we gained with other couples, and that our tale will support them as they walk a similar road and share in their unique foray together. Such a partnership will help make the decisions easier to make, the bad days better, and the seemingly impossible, possible."

The book has been designated an Editor's Choice book and a Publisher's Choice book by iUniverse, as well as an Indie Excellence award finalist.

Also, Judy's essay, It Doesn't Have to Be About Fighting, will appear in an anthology tentatively titled Voices of Breast Cancer, to be published this fall for The Healing Project.

The Heroics of Falling Apart is on the shelf at the Barnes & Noble Booksellers, 960 S. Colorado Blvd. Copies can be found at Tattered Cover Bookstores in Denver and it is available through most bookstores or through the Web site: www.theheroicsoffallingapart.com