Someone once said that a marriage is defined as a threeway relationship. Maybe that's what Sternberg meant in part when he wrote the book,
Love the Way You Want It. He describes marriage as a equilateral triangle ofthree sides: commitment, intimacy, and passion. That description has certainly been our history as we celebrate our 33rd year of marriage.
When I first met Carol it was on New Years day some 34 years ago. She certainly was an attractive woman as she moved through the crowd of New Year celebrants, occasionally talking and greeting the many would-be watchers of the endless bowl games.
I remember how popular she appeared to be with all the single men. I remember remarking to one of my friends that I was somewhat annoyed with what appeared to be her numerous alluring conversations with just the single guys.
It wasn't long into the day that we were introduced and I remember intentionally being aloof and making a point to not engage in any conversation with her during the rest of the party.( I showed her!)
Some months later we once again saw each other when I had a speaking opportunity in Southern California. She was in the audience. I remember her approaching me at the end of my speech. She thanked me for coming and made a few insightful comments on my talk. I was beginning to notice that her beauty was more than skin deep. It wouldn't be for another three months till we saw each other again.
Working for a faith-based organization and living in two different states both Carol & I found ourselves with very few opportunities to get together. In fact, from the time that we first met at the New' Year party in 1973 we saw each other at different work events only a couple of times over the next 9 months.
In Oct. of 1973 after one of these occasional work meetings, we both recognized that we wanted to express to each other that we were interested in starting a relationship. We talked to each other and committed our relationship to God. We asked him to lead into His definition and reality of love and keep us away from the noise and clamour of the "hollywood" definition of love. We sensed that the model being purported in the media said, "If he or she doesn't make you happy, leave and try it again with someone else."
From that night the concept of being fervant, friendly, and faithful to one another was born. Five months later in March of 1974 Carol & I were married in Albuquerque, NM. The vows that were said that day were prophetic words that would eventually lead to actual experiences in our lives.
We have experienced the pain of not meeting each other's expectations, of dissappointing each other, of hurting each other and most importantly of forgiving each other, processing with each other , reconciling with each other and learning to grow in love, maturity and character with each other.
We have battled through loss of jobs, moving 14 times, and having children who at times have choosen paths that do not honor a faith driven family.
We have cried together, laughed together, fought together BUT we have experience a depth of commitment toward each that the todays society really hasn't valued.
Our love has grown through the years and matured to a depth that has redefined love for us. When we stood at the alter in New Mexcio 34 years ago and said we loved each other we probably got married on pretty shaky ground.
"Love never gives up. Love cares more for others than for self, Love doesn't want what it doesn't have. Love doesn't strut, Doesn't have a swelled head, Doesn't force itself on others, Isn't always "me first," Doesn't fly off the handle, Doesn't keep score of the sins of others, Doesn't revel when others grovel, Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth, Puts up with anything, Trusts God always, Always looks for the best, Never looks back, But keeps going to the end." (The Message)
Carol and I can't say that we have learned this kind of love to its full depth, but we are experienceing a depth of love that has come thru being fervant, friendly, and faithful to one another.