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Shot Through the Heart
Contributed by: Kevin Johnson on 12/13/2007

Shot Through the Heart
Or
Thomas County EMT Policy Gives Firearm Discharge a Bad Name

While covering a recent Thomas County Commissioners meeting in Kansas, an issue was brought up that disturbed me greatly, and I feel my devoted reading public has a right to know the grim truth. Due to a new policy in the EMT manual, patients will no longer be able to carry firearms with them while receiving a lift to the hospital via ambulance, a move that has caused this reporter a great deal of grief and gnashing of teeth. It seems I will no longer be able to enjoy one of my most favorite pastimes: getting a blood transfusion, or being resuscitated, in a moving vehicle while firing a sawed-off Mossberg wildly into the air.

"Patients we pick up say that they have a right to carry their weapons," Said Ken Gatlin director of Thomas County Emergency Medical services, "but not in our vehicles."

Truly this is a sign of the times. If this is the kind of world my unborn children will be birthed, kicking and screaming as it is, then I think it is high time I consulted some literature on vasectomy.

"This is an outrage," said my paternal grandfather, and NRA card wielding celebrity, who for the sake of his privacy asked to remain anonymous (so for the sake of this article he will be known as Charlton H., no, too obvious, C. Heston). "It is my Second Amendment right as a citizen of these United States of America to carry and discharge my firearms where I see fit, be it in the comfort of my own hot tub or in the back of an ambulance while receiving an another emergency shot of adrenaline to my heart."

"Damned dirty apes!" Added Heston.

The move to forbid firearms on Thomas County ambulances was a preemptive strike, but one Gatlin felt had to be made before the problem, which did not technically exist, got out of hand.

" There has not been a problem with staff carrying weapons, not that I know of," said Gatlin. "State law says you have a right to carry your firearm unless stated in another statute; this is the other statute. If riders are acting in an official capacity, they will be allowed to carry a firearm but other wise firearms will not be allowed. It hasn't become an issue yet but wanted to stop it before it is. If someone is diabetic and going into shock and becomes combative, I don't want to put my Crew at risk. "

To which Heston replied, "It's people! Soylent Green is made out of people!"

Thomas County Commissioner Paul Steele wanted to make clear that this addition to EMT policy is not to curb anyone's rights as an American Citizen, but purely to insure the safety of EMT volunteers.

"Our policy is not to transport patients in our ambulances with fire arms. This is a safety issue for people volunteering their time to offer this service", said Steele.

But for Second Amendment fanatics this move was a cruel and bitter defeat, and one that will not soon be forgotten. The thing that really concerns me is not that my paternal Grandpappy, nor I, will ever again have the opportunity to discharge weapons while riding in an ambulance, be it for necessity or out of the pure joy found only in firing a gun while riding in an ambulance that cannot be described by any known words, so I am forced to make one up, "Shrillbotasic"; no, my real concern is for little Johnny or Suzy Smithandwesson, whose opportunity to know such shrillbotastic ecstasy was taken away from them on Tuesday, the 11th of December, or as it will forever be known to me, The Day the Music Died.




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CONTRIBUTOR INFORMATION

Kevin Johnson

Denver , CO

Kevin Johnson has posted 15 stories and 0 comments since joining on 4/9/2007. Kevin Johnson's average story rating is 5.
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