A cartoon in the New Yorker once showed a man sitting in a waiting room. There were no other chairs. The potted plant looked about to expire. The magazines were ruffled and torn. Across the room were two doors. One was labeled "No Entrance"; the other "No Exit." This is what it is like to be facing a terminal illness.

Dr. David Kuhl, a Canadian physician and author, will visit Denver this month, offering wisdom and comfort to those sitting in the No Entrance-No Exit waiting room, and to those who care for them. He will offer a workshop, "Facing Death, Embracing Life" on Saturday, October 14, 10 am to 12 pm, at Saint John's Cathedral, 1350 Washington Street, Denver. This free event is cosponsored by Namaste Comfort Fund and the cathedral's Martyn Hart Legacy Society. The workshop will uncover what dying people really want and how those who love and care for them can respond.

In a recent interview, Dr. Kuhl described how he learned from his patients--from their stories and their lives. Although a very good doctor 10 years ago, Kuhl began to realize that some amount of the time, some amount of the pain and suffering his patients experienced just would not go away. It seemed to be coming from a place "we can't touch." He needed to know more about the people behind the pain--in particular, he needed to know what it was really like to be facing death.

Over a period of many months, Kuhl interviewed 21 dying patients--some only once or twice, some numerous times. He prepared a list of questions to ask, but he really only had to ask one: "When and how did you learn about your terminal illness?" From there, the interview "took off."

Kuhl paid tribute to Elisabeth Kubler-Ross and her work with the dying almost 40 years ago. He said, "Certainly she was a pioneer, but she never went back [to the people she'd interviewed] to ask if she got it right." Kuhl wanted to be sure he'd got it right. "I can have all my ideas," he said, "but until the cards are on my table, the cards aren't on my table."

From these in-depth interviews, many common themes emerged. Of these, several were most often mentioned: the agony of all the waiting--for test results, doctor's appointments, treatments, and eventually, to die; the terrible damage done by bad communication with health care professionals--those who drop the "bad news" like a bomb or can't give honest and clear answers to questions. At the same time, Kuhl said that the other most common experience was a growing "connection to something universal, something bigger than ourselves, something involving acceptance and forgiveness."

This part of dying seems to bring with it great opportunities for growth, freedom, and authenticity. As his interviewees talked, Kuhl said, "the trust and intimacy was amazing." They were totally frank, telling him things they'd "never said before to anyone." They had a great desire to tell their story and to tell the truth about themselves and their lives.

Kuhl wishes we could all experience this part of dying while we're living. "If there is one takeaway lesson," he said, " it's 'Don't wait until you're dying to tell your story'." Even if the story isn't over yet or your viewpoint is likely to change, "It's like coming in for a landing. You have to circle first before you land, and each time you make that pass over the landscape, you'll get a fresh look at something."

Kuhl collected the stories, insights, and lessons along with techniques for easing the suffering of dying in his book, What Dying People Want: Practical Wisdom for the End of Life. On October 14, he will share his practical wisdom in person, and invite others to share theirs. By really seeking to understand the experience of dying, Kuhl discovered that even for those facing death , there are many exits, many entrances, many rich ways of embracing life.

Reserve your seat by calling 303-831-7115 or 303-860-9915.