Don't just stop! Fellow drivers, to let emergency vehicles pass you, according to Colorado law, You must yield the right-of-way. Where possible, you must pull over to the right edge of the road. If you are in an intersection, drive through the intersection before you pull over.Certainly there may be times when stopping is the best way to accommodate emergency vehicles, but generally, don't just stop.

What you should just stop, for your own good, is including me on electronic party invitations known as "evites." These invitations include the email addresses of all invitees, and regrettably, I consider the invitees merely a captive audience to whom I shamelessly show off what I consider at the time to be my fantastic wit, humor and knowledge of semicolon usage. I later hate myself for it. It's the same self-hate dogs feel after knocking over the neighbor's trash or football players feel after celebrating routine plays.

I've accepted an evite and "replied to all" by saying I'd attend the party as it coincides with the day I get my ankle monitor off. I wrote further, "sure I shot them squirrels, but since when is it a crime to feed your family?" For some reason, both my evite acceptances and declines include variations of what a big law-breaker I am (I am not). I've declined an evite by saying that I'll be recovering from hernia surgery, which was true, but that I must have gotten the hernia while stealing stuff from construction sites. Oh yes, I am such a funny scofflaw. Please, stop me. As countless forth-grade teachers have said about a disruptive student, "don't encourage him, he just wants attention."

I've accepted an evite by asking if I could also invite my wife's recently released prison pen pal; I was her first prison pen pal. I've declined an evite saying I would be taking advantage of my Travel Agent's terrific "transplant vacation" to a secret foreign city. "I'm not sure what it's all about," I wrote, "but they say the scarring is minimal." I've even declined an evite by saying the party was at the same time I would be meeting the son of a deposed king of a foreign country. I would be helping The Prince deposit a large check into his bank account via my account. "I'm sure if our roles were reversed, he'd do the same for me," I wrote.

Enough already. I don't like this anymore than you do. I implore you to stop eviting me to anything. After all, regardless of my evite responses, remember I'm the guy who ends up breaking something you consider valuable and I consider old junk. I'm the guy who plugs up your toilet, for heavens sake! You get it? Take me off your evite list!

It's my sincere hope you can regard this article a public service. I really want you to know you should not simply stop to let emergency vehicles pass, and that you should simply stop eviting me to parties. Also my dog is sorry he knocked over your trash.