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Adultery: Does country code dictate moral code?
Contributed by: Allyson Reedy on 4/11/2007

Monogamy. Who knew that putting together a type of wood and a synonym for boredom would give us such an enduringly fascinating subject?

As a newlywed, my continued interest in the feasibility of monogamy probably terrifies my husband and mother-in-law, but come on - it's a juicy subject!

This time my interest was re-kindled by a couple of articles I read discussing adultery across cultures. The basic sentiment put forth was that we, as Americans, make too much of it. That in Europe, Asia and elsewhere, wives almost expect their husbands to cheat. It doesn't result in divorce, custody battles or Jerry Springer confrontations. It's simply a part of life.

In Japan, one article said, love matches are the exception, not the rule, and both partners are expected to stray. I guess if we worship different gods, eat different foods and spend different currencies then it's not so crazy we'd have different expectations regarding our marriages.

But should we? And who's right?

A few months ago I got crucified for mentioning swinging as an emerging trend in the marriages of my (American) contemporaries. My conclusion was that it's fine for them, but not the choice I'd make once married. At the time, I honestly had no idea I'd be married so soon!

So here I am, newly married (yet planning a wedding in October in a foreign country- whole other story) and now I'm ready to be judgmental. I feel bad for the Japanese, French or whoever that agrees to stay together in sickness, health and infidelity. I'm not about to start circulating a petition to reinstate public stonings for adulterers, but I do think that trust and faithfulness are critical to a happy marriage.

Even one of my swinger friends is coming around. They recently said they wished they were married to someone they'd want to be faithful to. Strong words.

But, alas, it's not that simple. It's easy for me to sit here amid my newlywed glow and say that I would never so much as look at another man, let alone touch. The marriage veterans are probably laughing at me right now; calling me naive. But what they call naivety, I call being right.

How I feel about my husband is something I hope everyone experiences in their relationship. And let me tell you, these feelings don't involve pushing an affair under the mat.

If the article's point was to try to sway its readers that Americans make too much of affairs, they've failed. They convinced me that we make too little of them. If 70 percent of marrieds are cheating - and those are the most recent numbers I've seen - we are doing something very wrong.

Maybe it's getting married before graduating college. Maybe it's spending more time planning our weddings than planning our goals together. Maybe it's spending $2,000 on a wedding dress when financial reasons is the #1 reason for divorce in the U.S.

It looks as if I don't like any country's perception of adultery and marriage. I guess I'll have to start my own blissfully married nation. I think I'll call it Newlywed Island. Care to join me?


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Showing 1-2 of 2 comments
Submitted By: Allyson Reedy
posted on 4/12/2007 @ 6:24:05 PM
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Thank you! Yes, we got married (at Connor O'Neill's in Boulder by ourselves), but the wedding isn't until October, so we're trying not to feel married until then.
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Submitted By: Eric Lubbers
posted on 4/12/2007 @ 11:49:33 AM
Rated Story
You got married behind our backs, Allyson? No photos, no announcements? Well, it's good to have you back. Congratulations.
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CONTRIBUTOR INFORMATION

Allyson Reedy

Littleton , CO

Allyson Reedy has posted 46 stories and 23 comments since joining on 6/13/2006. Allyson Reedy 's average story rating is 4.88.
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