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My Night at the Playboy Mansion

Contributed by: Allyson Reedy on 5/15/2007

A few weeks ago, I went to a party at the Playboy Mansion. It was a celebrity poker tour party, and no, it was neither a pocket pair nor my other pair that got me in. I had already bought my plane ticket out to L.A. for a friend's birthday party when an actor friend got us invited to the mansion.

The first thing that crossed my mind is what the heck do I wear? I've seen the photos of the painted girls, and compared to them Britney Spears is overdressed. My usual going-out attire of a tank top and jeans was quickly shut down by my friends. 'They told me I had to wear - Gasp! - a dress.

I don't wear dresses. In fact, the only dresses I own are white and reserved for my wedding. So I went shopping and pretended I was a very hip girl who gets invited to places like the Playboy Mansion all the time. I left the store with four dresses and decided to let my friends pick once I was in Hollywood.

They picked what I've deemed the '70s dress. It has a very bold green disco-esque print, not to mention a pretty low neckline. Still, it might as well have been a turtleneck compared to what most girls wore.

The first thing we did once our shuttle dropped us off at the mansion was to get drinks. It would take a girl far more confident than I to brave the bunnies sober. Drink in hand, I (being me) insisted on finding the food. On the menu - some really great sushi, crabcakes, ravioli and salad (for the bunnies, I assume).

I saw celebrities, but I only recognized them when they were pointed out to me. They really do look different in real life - surprisingly normal.

Next up was the tour someone arranged for us (I was too busy eating and drinking to know who). A lovely, hyper-mammiferous, yet very unenthusiastic, woman led us around the grounds, pointing out Hugh's star from the Hollywood walk of fame, the videogame room and the zoo. Along the way someone asked her what month and year she was.

Oh, she was a playmate, I realized. I asked her if she lived at the mansion or worked for them. No, she said, the playmates are all on a list and they get called randomly to host tours at the parties. Did you hear that? The playmates are indentured servants! I'm thinking of starting a collection or something to buy their way out of indentured servitude.

Anyway, after the tour I talked with other guests and found myself having a surprisingly fun time. I had been out to Hollywood clubs and parties the previous two nights and was saddened to see so much pretending and falsity. In fact, when I went around a club asking people for alternate acronyms for L.A., 'fake' was a common answer. For the few who knew what an acronym was, they answered Lousy Air and Lots Alove..

But the mansion was different. Despite the prevalence of silicone and blond hair dye, people didn't seem to be constantly posing. At some of the clubs it seemed as if I was surrounded by hundreds of Paris Hilton wannabes trying to get discovered. At the mansion people were smiling their real smiles and seemed to genuinely have fun. I didn't even need to pretend to be the hip dress-wearing girl I thought I needed to be. I could attack the buffet and dance like crazy - just like a normal night out in Denver.

Since I don't anticipate being invited back, I took full advantage of my night - I got in the grotto! At first I just wanted a picture, so I waded in up to my knees, but then I got pulled in, dress and all. I don't think I lasted two minutes before seeing things that caused my suburban eyes to pop out of my head and seek the safety of my friends on shore.

After wringing out my dress it was time to leave and I was surprisingly sad. I had met some pretty interesting people that night, including some with fake boobs and bleached blond hair. Hmm, maybe some guys really do read Playboy for the articles.


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Showing 1 of 1 comments
Submitted By: Michael Rule
posted on 5/25/2007 @ 9:40:29 PM
Rated Story
You just lived a thousand men's fantasies....LOL. Great story
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CONTRIBUTOR INFORMATION

Allyson Reedy

Littleton , CO

Allyson Reedy has posted 46 stories and 23 comments since joining on 6/13/2006. Allyson Reedy 's average story rating is 4.88.
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