I'm having a little trouble with writer's block, again, so I've decided to fall back on cute kid anecdotes. When I'm with one group of first-graders, we work on writing simple stories. On Mondays, we choose topics for the whole week. They typically consist of, "I play this with my friends," "I play that with my friends," and "I go to the park." I wish I was seven.

Anyway, today's story was supposed to be about jumping rope. So we wrote, "I jump rope with my friends." After that, they were at a complete loss. None of them had any idea what else you could write about jumping rope. So, I tried to give them some hints: "Could you...jump rope...and sing a song?" It was like opening Pandora's box. Every single student began singing their favorite jump rope song. They were all made up of a cute couplet or two, inevitably followed by...counting. Since one of the standards for first grade is that the children know their numbers up to 1,000 (and it's April) that could take a while.

I gaped in horror as they started counting. I tried to stop it, but I felt like I was playing that arcade game where the gophers keep popping up and you have to hit them with the foam hammer. Every time you think you've got them all, another one pops up out of nowhere. I made eye contact with one student and pointed at another and said, "Shh!" They stopped counting, but only until I averted my eyes to silence another student. Minutes later, after having crossed my eyes and made good use of my double-jointed fingers (so every kid felt sufficiently singled out), the counting finally stopped. We resumed our jump-rope story.

Later in the day, I was explaining the finer points of addition to one little girl when a boy came up and announced, "So-and-so hit me." Now, in first grade, I always hear that someone's saying something mean or hitting or throwing or engaging in innumerable other banned activities. The fact of the matter is that 95 percent of the time it didn't happen that way. But, he says that So-and-so hit him. I point out that So-and-so sits clear across the room and he sits over here.

"Were you out of your seat and not doing your work?"

"Yes."

"Well, if you had been in your seat, you wouldn't have gotten hit."

He's confused, but retreats to his chair. I haven't done anything about So-and-so, but my logic is impeccable. Minutes later, So-and-so's at my side.

"This kid right here hit me!"

"Why were you out of your seat?"

"He told me to come over here."

"Why would he have a reason to hit you?"

So-and-so stares at me. He's not sure whether or not to incriminate himself.

"Go sit down." Sometimes it's more about crowd control than justice. Still, I shout a general reminder: They need to stop hitting!