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Spring and lawnjockeys

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Contributed by: M K on 4/27/2006

Ah spring. A veil is lifted. Last spring, I was walking the (dumb) dog with my husband. As we passed one of my neighbor's houses, my husband blurted out of nowhere, "At least our lawn looks better than this fool's." I threw him a sideways glance. Our neighbor is a fool? The Fool's lawn was a little patchy. Our lawn did look marginally better. Eh. Well done husband. We're not the worst on the block.

Last summer was the first time my husband has owned a lawn of his own. On any given weekend you could find him out there fiddling with sprinkler zones and timers, or giving his little 10x15 patch of lawn a military buzz cut. Yet, however hard my husband toiled with his yard, there was one neighbor whose Perfect Lawn put all others to shame.

As he had drawn my attention to lawns on our walk, I happened to notice Perfect Lawn. "Wow, look at that one."

"I know," my husband lamented. His head hung a little lower as we slunk by with our dog.

See, it works like this. We have one neighbor whose lawn is only Slightly Nicer than ours. This means that he's next in the chain of command. For example, our deck was accidentally turned a startling shade of orange by my husband. Slightly Nicer Lawn wisely suggested that my husband use linseed oil to protect our split rail fence and thereby avoid any more unfortunate coloration mishaps.

When one of our newly landscaped trees started to look a little....orange, my husband, again, sought the sage advice of Slightly Nicer Lawn. Slightly Nicer Lawn had the same trees in his yard, and his landscaper told him that this popular type of pine tree does, in fact, turn slightly orange with the change of the seasons. Whew. My husband could quit worrying.

When I touched the tree its needles were crispy and fell off at the touch.

"It's dead." I proclaimed to my husband. "The only bit of landscaping we have that matched your deck is... DEAD."

He refused to believe me, because I have no nice looking bit of lawn to call my own. My flower bed / garden thing was filled with dying watermelon and corn stalks, (disaster!) so - demonstrably - I don't know anything.

Continue reading at: http://www.castlerocktalk.com/lawnjockey.htm

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CONTRIBUTOR INFORMATION

M K

Castle Rock , CO

M K has posted 88 stories and 0 comments since joining on 4/26/2006. M K's average story rating is 4.71.

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