Contributed by:
Chris Stone
Article Contributed on: 1/2/2007 10:42:03 PM
You new and soon-to-be-new fathers out there are in for a treat.
Once the Blessed event comes and your status is officially that of, "Catcher of Baby Barf," your entire lifestyle will change.
Yes, you probably have some idea that this is going to be the case - or have at least developed a healthy sense of denial over it all - but I'm going to clue you in on a
specific area you may have overlooked: shopping.
As in, you're going to have to start doing some of it...
Now I realize that most men - even the single ones - are able to "shop," provided that you use a very generous definition of the term. But once you're married and have children, you can no longer consider finding Totino's pizzas on sale 10 for ten dollars as, "picking up dinner for the next week and a half."
No. You'll now have to venture into heretofore undiscovered sections of the supermarket where you'll also be educated in all the ways and devices of The Baby.
And they are many and varied; formula - no, not THAT one you idiot, that OTHER one that looks just like it among the hundreds of other cans on that shelf! - diapers, (did you know they come in various sizes? Oh sure it makes sense once you hear it out loud but as a man and having never considered such things it can get confusing. And if you have two children in different sizes just buy more of what you think is the larger size, because "they'll grow into them"), and then there's the stages of food, the teething options, the various medications/treatments...
(I've noticed that most often these things share an aisle with the over the counter birth control devices. The grocer is trying to send you a message, my friend. Either that or he's sold out to the Mothers who can then say, "YOU KNOW where that aisle is, loverboy...")
So my advice to you is this: Buy batteries. AA's, AAA's, D's, C's - even hearing aid batteries; if your child is deaf they'll need them for their hearing aid and if not, they'll need them for their toys. And then YOU'LL need them!
Yes, buy batteries. Not only will you find a use for them but it'll be the last time you can throw away a receipt from a shopping trip...
Chris Stone is a slightly different - hopefully better - Father and man than he was yesterday...