Article Contributed on: 1/3/2007 2:01:11 PM
One of the things you'll notice about being a Father is that you've suddenly learned a great number of new words - as well as what they actually mean and how to use them correctly in everyday sentences.
You will know what a "onesie" is, be able to operate a "diaper genie" and not destroy your China when your wife tells you to put the kid in "the saucer."
But aside from learning new words you'll also be surprised at the resurgence of certain ones that you haven't used in a long while. "Poop," for instance.
When there are small children in your home, poop becomes a well-worn word and not just because you're constantly changing diapers, either.
No. An infant's poopy diaper is that child's diagnostic panel, it seems. Frequency, volume, texture and color all indicate something to their Mother.
Of course to us Fathers it's just a challenge to get it off the kid and KEEP it off us, but Mommies suddenly become some sort of poop tarot-readers and they require constant updates. (And when Father and Son are making poop jokes later, remember Mommy: you started it.)
It should also be mentioned that you'll need to eliminate certain four letter words from usage and if you're a golfer - as I am - it's possible that these make up a large portion of your daily vocabulary.
But I have good news along this front: these words have even greater power to your children if they don't ever hear you using them casually.
A simple "dammit" can therefore multiply the meaning of the message you're trying to deliver, so use them sparingly around the kids.
Unless you're teaching them golf...
Chris Stone is a slightly different - hopefully better - Father and man than he was yesterday...