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Blog Entry 66 of 357 Father Knows... Something. Let's figure out what.
This is my outlet to share with the world all the things I've learned - and continue to learn - about being the Father to 3 young children. But I should warn you that my experience is probably NOT yours: my wife and I adopted a sibling set of 3 - all 6 years old and younger - while in our 40's. We've heard that, "it keeps you young," but so far, it has mostly kept us tired... But like any parent, our kids teach us something new every day and I hope to share at least something here with you as I can. The entries will be short - time constraints will probably keep it at or around a mere 200-400 words - but as they say, brevity is the soul of wit. Let's hope I can create some brevity here. So if you read something you like, please leave a comment. If you read something you don't, please just leave. (Just kidding - I'd love to hear from critics as well.)

It's not like we're starving her - are we?


One of the ongoing battles we've had with "M" is the fight over finding age-appropriate activities for her to engage in. I realize full well that - as the oldest and as a female - she especially craves interaction with her younger brothers. But this desire on her part is in direct contrast with what I know to be in her best interest; namely stretching her mind by doing challenging puzzles, learning to spell and write the names of family members and building a multi-stage rocket capable of low-level geosynchronous orbit.

OK. So that last one can wait until she's 7. My point stands all the same - she needs to be doing something that challenges her so her mind can grow. And I know I'm right in this because if left to her own devices, (and I've seen it happen), she would simply grab a collection of stacking cups out of the hands of her 1 year old brother and assemble them.

The worst part is, she then presents them to me in hopes of garnering praise. Now, I'm no ogre, (although I'm sure some of you have your doubts by now), but I also know that if I praise her for doing something that her baby brother is nearly capable of, I'll continue to see her perform to that level. And I want much, much more for her...

But now I'm questioning my methods, because tonight I was unloading the dishwasher when Binky Boy walked into the kitchen. Knowing of his previous abuses of an open dishwasher I was a bit aprehensive about continuing the job, but was pleasantly surprised when he started handing me individual pieces of silverware from the tray.

"Good job, Binky!" I said -- only to see "M" DASH over to the dishwasher and lunge for the silverware. I stopped her, saying only that I already knew she could move forks and spoons because she sets the table for dinner more often than not. She should not - I reminded - look for praise from doing the same things as her one and two year old brothers.

Still, the message was loud and clear. Now I have only to act upon it...

Chris Stone is a slightly different - hopefully better - Father and man than he was yesterday...

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I would have told her "thank you for helping Daddy and Binky" Teamwork is a wonderful thing, comparing children is not. Age appropriate challanges are great but a 7 year is not going to understand that concept, in her mind you praise her brothers for "easy" things while you make her work harder. I can easily see why she is always trying to get your praise, you should humor her. Boost her self esteem AND challange her. If she is trying to compete for your praise, there is a reason that you are not seeing or trying to understand.
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