I'll never forget the first time I heard about Casa Hogar Misericordia. I listened intently as a woman at church spoke about homeless children being brought in off the streets by a faithful couple whose efforts to protect and care for them resulted from a dream one of them had.

The morning after Fidel dreamt that he should take in kids, a child appeared at his door. He believes it was meant to be...a message from God. I can't disagree with him. Since I heard about the ongoing trips to Chihuahua, I was drawn to the experience. I was compelled to learn more about a small orphanage serving the needs of children taken in off the streets, so I signed up for a trip.

Sometimes, I'm not sure why I went or what I expected to get out of it, but I do know that I never expected to spend time trying to spread the word about children I spent only a few days around. As it turns out, I couldn't avoid thinking about them. Our news is full of stories of abuse against children.

Many by the hands of people who love them, people they trust, and people they need for everything that is in their lives. Children are committing the craziest of crimes against each other. They have no childhood. It makes me mindful of how I parent my child and monitor the world I want to show her.

My own message from God, I believe, came through the process I went through to become a parent - I learned that children really are a gift from God and they should be treated as such. They arrive helpless and dependent on someone for their care and leadership, just as the children at Casa Hogar do.

Honestly, I have had mixed feelings about the orphanage since the death of one of the children. It disturbed me so much, that I have struggled with what it is I should, or need, to do to help. I know that the orphanage is vital to the well being of the children that live there, but I was upset to hear about a child, particularly one with special needs, being left alone with his frustration. I think about him dying alone - I suppose that is just as he had lived his life, alone - even all the more sad for me - his undeveloped mind was probably a blessing because he couldn't understand it all.

I often look at the faces in the pictures I took and wonder what these kids have been through. They all have a story. Of all the kids, the one that affected me the most is a boy who was always alone, playing in the dirt - his dark eyes, sad, and averted when I tried to talk to him. He shyly let me take his photo, but wouldn't look at it later. I asked Mariana what his story was and she said he'd come from the social service system and didn't know that much about him- but she said he was a sad boy who played alone in the dirt.

I think of him often - he is the boy with no story, alone in the dirt. The only picture I have of myself at Casa Hogar is one of me kneeling next to him. I keep that picture close by to remind me that I can't help every child with a sad story, but I can help whenever I can and it inspires me to do so.

It is not likely that I will return to Casa Hogar any time soon, nor will I find it to be the same place. For me, this trip was about learning about some children who needed help and realizing that any small amount would make a difference. My mission was to go there and come back with a better understanding of what it was I might be able to do to help them.

The trip to San Juanito was a personal experience - it was humbling to visit this village in the mountains, where the people seem to live simple, unassuming lives - grateful for the kindness of strangers and for what little they have. I gained much in the way of perspective of the beauty and appreciation of my own life.

The future of Casa Hogar is in the hands of God and those that support the orphanage in making it a place where these children can be nurtured and kept safe. If you or someone you know would like to contribute to the future of Casa Hogar, contact Church of the Hills, 28628 Buffalo Park Rd, Evergreen, CO, 303-674-6641.