The reunion of family over the holidays, while trying at times, is often the best part of the celebrations – grandparents and grandchildren, aunts and uncles, nieces and nephews, kids home from college. In recent years, that last phrase, “kids home from college,” has taken on an entirely new meaning.

Less then a generation ago if your children were college bound they typically left home for school, finished in four years or so, started their careers and moved out of your home. Now a days, the phrase “kids home from college,” doesn’t necessarily refer to a holiday or a summer break, instead it means junior has finished college and is not sure what he is going to do next. He has returned to his old bedroom and your refrigerator.

Just as the teenage years took on its own unique identity half a century ago, social scientists have now begun to talk of “emerging adulthood” as a distinct stage of human development. Psychologist Jeffrey Jensen Arnett, a research associate professor of human development at the University of Maryland, describes emerging adulthood as a period of exploration, instability, possibility, self-focus and a sustained sense of being in limbo (just what you want living in the room at the top of the stairs and raiding your refrigerator!).

Seriously, this new stage of development presents parents with a new set of challenges and opportunities.

Arnett believes that today’s emerging adults have a less tangible and more psychological reference for what it means to be an adult. In the past, the tangible markers of full-time work, marriage in most cases and perhaps parenthood, often identified adulthood. Today’s emerging adults tend to identify adulthood by being able to accept responsibility for one’s actions; make independent decisions; and become financially independent. I question whether you can do that from the basement of your parent’s home, but I digress. In all fairness, a host of economic and societal factors has made it more difficult for 20 somethings to strike out on their own. James Côté, professor of sociology at the University of Western Ontario, makes a strong case that parents have contributed to the sense of limbo experienced by the emerging generation by not giving their children the support and guidance that has been typical of previous generations.

So what is a parent to do? Citing the work of Côté, Sandra Whitehead in her September 2005 Colorado Parent article, “Emerging Adulthood,” suggests the following four things for parents of children of all ages to focus on.

1. Be an authoritative parent. That means having clear rules and guidelines, but allowing psychological freedom.
2. Share your values with your children. Make sure they are clear on what you believe and what your guiding principles are.
3. Stress the importance of education. About 40 percent of U.S. parents don’t monitor the educational progress of their children, which is a key indicator of future success.
4. Help your children engage in the world. Support their interests in sports, academics, theater – wherever their interests lie. Don’t leave them to a passive experience of life.

The time to begin is now, before your child turns 20. However, don’t be surprised if you are still providing guidance and support for your children into their 20s. Times are changing and it is almost certain that your kid will be “home from college.”

Rich Batten is the father of four, a certified family life educator and the family and consumer science agent for the Colorado State University Cooperative Extension Office in Douglas County Colorado. For additional resources on parenting emerging adults visit www.douglascountyextension.org and click Featured on the WB.