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Blog Entry 33 of 768 What's Going On
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For some of my favorite blogs, check out Brendan's List.

A lesson in Midwestern banter


I come from the Midwest, where one comes to expect general unoriginal, but sometimes clever, banter as a daily, if not many-times-daily occurrence. Many exchanges between familiar folks go something like these examples:

No. 1:
Bob: "Hey Jim, how's it goin'?"
Jim: "Oh, it's goin'."

No. 2:
Bob: "Jim, how are you?"
Jim: "Doin' well, Bob, how are you?"
Bob: "I'm doin'."

No. 3:
Bob: "Sandra, how are you?"
Sandra: "I'm good, Bob."
Bob, smiling mischeviously: "Well, you look good."
Sandra, smiling: "Thanks, Bob."

No. 4:
Bob: "Jim, how's life treatin' you?"
Jim: "Like a baby treats a diaper, Jim."

When I ask someone how they're doing, the chance that they will actually say something I've never heard before is pretty much nonexistent. Our greeting is more of a common courtesy than anything else. If a real conversation is to happen, it follows the greeting, which usually never changes. When I see my neighbor John outside on his front steps, I say hello, and if I have time to talk, I'll ask him a question after the greeting, and if he has time to talk, maybe he'll ask me a question after the greeting.

Brendan: "Hey John, how's it going?"
John: "Good. How are you?"
Brendan: "Good."
Option No. 1: I keep walking and go into my house. The conversation ends.
Option No. 2: I ask, "How's the work on the house going?" and we talk about that, or John asks, "Have they sold your house yet?" and we talk about that.

But when I do hear something new, it's a watershed moment for me. A couple Sundays ago, I was standing in the checkout line at Wild Oats and the man in the back of the line, who must have been a regular there, started a conversation with the cashier. It went like this:

Bob: " Brian, how are you?"
Brian (cashier): "I'm good, Bob."
Bob: "Good to see you, Brian."
Brian: "Good to see you too, Bob."
Bob: "It's good to be seen."

Bob is a revolutionary in the world of everyday banter. I am now and forever stealing his "It's good to be seen" line and using it in my own conversations.

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"I'm so happy it hurts." "I'm great, but I'm getting better." "If I was any better, it'd be illegal." "If I was any better, I'd have to be twins." "If I was any better, they'd write songs about me." "I'm not unwell, thank you"(George Carlin). "I don't suck!" "I'm so good, I can hardly stand myself."

In King Soopers, the banter usually goes something like this: Bob: "I can't get this can of tomato soup to scan." Guy waiting behind me: "If you'd get your thumb off the bar code, we could get this line moving."

It's one of my favorites, but it doesn't have enough opportunities for use. I'll try to give you the setup some time.
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