Article Contributed on: 6/20/2006 4:09:21 PM
Simulcast from the towns of Monument and Longmont, Colorado. Colorado 20s, a group developing 20 monuments to honor political and corporate leaders is announcing its 5th monument, honoring Senator
Ken Salazar, in time for the 4th of July.
The monument will be located in Longmont, in the shadows of Long's Peak, and is only a short drive from Boulder, the climbing capital of the Rockies. It will be a 100 -foot tall replica of
Homer Simpson, father of
Bart Simpson. The monument, which will be illuminated at night for night climbing, will serve as a climbing wall for students of
Ward Churchill and other professors seeking glory and fame in the heights of academia.
Given the popularity of Devil's monument in Wyoming, the pedestal supporting Salazar Summit will be a 100 ft replica, which climbers will have to scale to get to the point where they can take on Salazar Summit.
Because Sen. Ken Salazar is a Democrat partisan and obsessed with providing a safety net for all of Colorado's citizens, there will be a safety net, designed by Cirque de Soleil around the base of the climbing wall. Right now, due to cost constraints, it will be recycled bubble wrap and packing peanuts, but should get the job done for all but the most obese of climbers.
Why Senator Salazar, you say? Well Senator Salazar, recently made a partisan move to stop an up or down vote on the Small Business Health Insurance bill, S.1955. which would have allowed small businesses to band together to create affordable health plans. This demonstrates the height of hypocrisy on Salazar's part since he routinely says he is a supporter of small business and the consumer. He actually wants to herd everyone into a government run health plan, which is the Democrat's agenda.
We anticipate that climbers scaling the summit of Sen. Salazar's head will coin the term "giving head" to the experience and that the electricity in the air will make them tingle all over. Whether this vicarious experience will substitute for smoking dope all day long is yet to be seen.
Oh, one other thing. The inside of the Salazar Summit will be as hollow as the Senator's promises. It wil have an escalator funded by special interests to allow sick people who lack insurance to reach a crow's nest in the tip of the monument's nose, from which they can jump to avoid saddling their children with thousands of dollars in health care costs that would necessitate bankruptcy. This will be called "Sacrifice Point" and there will be no safety net for them. A small fee will be charged to pick up the bodies with a front-end loader and put them on a high-volume, high speed conveyor belt to the solient green factory in the old sugar beet factory in Longmont.
And, a special message to Sen. Salazar."We at Colorado 20s are absolutely amazed at your ability to spend time and participate in votes on gay marriage, flag burning, liberalized immigration when rising health care costs are out of control like the Hayman Fire."
"How do you do it Senator?" We are really looking forward to the next election when you talk about how health care costs are destroying the economy and someone, obviously you, needs to go to Washington and do something about it" No one has displayed more Chutzpah than you.
P.S. : Colorado 20s Group has awarded several previous monuments as follows:
1. Douglas Bruce to be put atop Table Mountain in Golden, which will be renamed Tabor Mountain
2. Kill-Dozer awarded to Franktown to renact Marv Heemeyer's levelling of Grandby, CO
3. Frederico Pena Bust to be placed atop Castle Rock and the renaming of the Valley Highway to Tamale Highway in honor of his Tex-Mex stand on illegal immigration
4. Bank of PeTra in Castlewood Canyon as a place for PERA employees to cash their retirement checks.