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Blog Entry 35 of 68 The Write Words

I hope to write about anything and everything that comes into my mind, as long as it is in good taste. I hope to communicate effectively and stimulate thought and conversation. I can't wait to get started!

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Putting everything into one person

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Contributed by: Erin Di Paolo on 3/9/2007

Last week I attended a focus group. Focus groups are those wonderful things where you get together with a group of complete and utter strangers, baring your soul on a specific topic, from storage systems to cell phones to skin care. I have been participating in these crazy groups for over 12 years now. Call me nuts, but I love to participate in them. After all, where else can I speak my mind to a captive audience that cannot leave, regardless of what I say? And if they end up hating me, chances are I will never, ever see them again. And at the end of the night, I end up $50-$100 richer and everyone else is all the better because they have had a few hours basking in my presence.

But seriously, the groups can be quite intriguing and one can learn a great deal about potential new products and human nature. And since I am a writer, I view the groups as having another benefit: great writing material.

On this night it was a mixed group, meaning male and female. I prefer female only groups, but I sucked it up and managed to speak my mind anyway. There was a woman at the group - I will call her Mary. She was quite a bit older than the rest of us and one of those people who was outspoken from the get-go. When she made certain comments, I witnessed a few looks of mild irritation on the faces of those across the table from us (Mary and I sat next to each other). I have to admit, I had a few moments like that as well.

After the group, as Mary and I walked together to pick up our coveted "pay check," she opened up to me. People tend to either clam up around me or tell me their life story; Mary fell into the latter category. She told me that she knew how to do so many home improvement projects (the topic of the group that night) because after her husband died, she had to learn. She said he had been her whole life, so much so that she had to be committed to a mental institution three times after his death. At first I was not sure I heard her right, I was so taken aback. I mean, I cannot imagine sharing such personal information with someone I just met. (If she had known this would be posted at yourhub.com, she may have thought twice about it, but I doubt it).

All I could say to her was wow. I mean, what do you say to something like that? Oh, good for you? No, you do not say much, if you are wise. Then she pulled out a picture of "her honey" and her and showed it to me. They had been married 35 years, she said, he had been her entire life.

I could not relate. I really couldn't. My husband and I have been married for 18 years, almost, and he is not my whole life. And there are times when I quite honestly have a hard time thinking of him in my life at all. But those are the really bad times. I felt happy for her and sorry for her, all at the same time; happy because they must have had quite a love for one another; sad because I would never, ever want to put all my eggs in one basket, so to speak. I don't see it as being healthy. Obviously, for Mary is worked while her husband was alive, but when he died, her entire world died with him. Ugh.

I love my husband, but I also love my children and I love my friends. I love to write and to travel. I love the New York Yankees and going to movies. In fact, there are so many things I am passionate about, I end up having the opposite problem from Mary's. My husband ends up being so much not my life that it creates problems. But Mary seemingly had nothing apart from her spouse; she was simply devoted to him. I smiled at Mary as we walked to the parking lot together, feeling grateful to have met her and feeling horrible that I had judgmental thoughts about a person I knew nothing about. We just never know the baggage a person carries with them, do we? Sometimes the greater the baggage, the greater the nuisance the person is. I need to remember that.

On the drive home, I asked God to take care of Mary. I asked him to bless her, to be with her. I asked Him to be a husband to the husbandless, as He says He will.

And I meant every word.

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Submitted By: Gladys Mercier

posted on 3/24/2007 @ 7:24:34 PM

Rated Blog Entry

I also lost my husband and it does hurt! But life goes on and God does keep his promise to be there when you need him.Having family and lots of friends could help Mary.

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Erin Di Paolo

Denver , CO

Erin Di Paolo has posted 68 blog entries and 1 comment since joining on 3/18/2006. Erin Di Paolo 's average blog rating is 4.45.

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