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A new city for DIA?
Contributed by: Charles Spratt on 4/15/2008

Residents of three beleaguered subdivisions are contemplating the seceding from their current cities of Aurora and Denver and creating a new "home rule" community to be tentatively named "Sanity".

Monday evening after the Avalanche got leveled in overtime still again, the residents of the three subdivisions closest to Denver International Airport were grousing about how the leaders of the Cities of Denver and Aurora are treating their subdivisions as wicked step-sisters. The three subdivisions of Montbello, North Aurora, and Green Valley Ranch are seemingly in a crisis with alarming foreclosure rates, increasing crime, abandoned and vacant homes, broken windows, smashed garage doors, all of which work to depress property values. The residents complained that the leaders of their present governments have left these three subdivisions to fend for themselves and they were not doing well!

The resident of Green Valley Ranch told the depressed and slightly inebriated sports fans of the other two subdivisions how he had lost thousands of dollars in equity during the past two years and how the City government and the infamous GVR Metropolitan District had done nothing to solve the problems of foreclosures. "Twenty two percent of the homes in default, you know that is two in every ten that may end up vacant!" he exclaimed. "Daily, new families face having their belongings as well as their children tossed out of their homes and into the street! Good people, people any neighborhood would love to have as residents but victims of predatory lenders, falling property values and a declining neighborhood."

The representatives of the other two neighborhoods were enthusiastically agreeing for the same things are happening in their areas.

Finally the meeting shifted to solutions, and one slurred recommendation was to secede from their respective cities and form their own, call it "Sanity" was one suggestion. An immediate question arose, how the new city, "Sanity" would provide the services for its residents that Aurora and Denver are presently. The residents of Aurora volunteered that they were secretly envious that Denver residents had their garbage picked up at no charge in Denver; to which the Denver residents challenged a comparison of tax bills and all agreed that "nothing is for free anymore".

The resident of Montbello raised her head from the puddle of beer on the table and said, "We need to annex Denver International Airport, we are closest, most of the employees come from our neighborhoods and that sucker is making millions for the City of Denver. It would solve all our problems!" Then her eyes closed as still another refill was poured.

The Green Valley Ranch resident, mulling over truths from the mouths of babes and drunks, realized that there might be a pearl of wisdom in the wallow of self pity. He quickly scribbled out a "Ben Franklin" pro/con balance sheet on the back of a moist bar napkin.

"Snow removal! We wouldn't have to wait until spring to get in and out of our neighborhoods, with all the equipment at the airport, the neighborhoods would be clean in a day! But where to put the snow, how about out there where the Buffalo roam, that wild life thingy?"

"Security, more cops, would sure beat the two cop cars we have for 8000 residents in Green Valley Ranch we currently have."

"How about we contact Homeland Insecurity and move the security gates for passengers clear down on I-70. No more guns, no dangerous substances, no criminals are let in. Profile the trouble makers and make those politicians fly out of Centennial."

"Rapid transit, we could get one of those mono-rails like they have in Disneyland, those suckers are fast, ride that thing to work everyday, man, that would be great, I got to sit in the front car the last time I was out there. Bet we could get the damn thing built in a year!"

"Stop those foreclosures and clean up the neighborhoods. We could buy the foreclosure homes and rent them back to the original owners until they get back on their feet and then sell them back to them. It would really help the neighborhoods to get rid of those vacant homes!"

"Did you see that auction sign, so fool company is going to come out to my neighborhood and sell some of the foreclosed properties in an auction, bet the buyers don't know that they are going to have a problem finding a loan!"

"Man, that idea of letting the people getting evicted, rent seems to be a good idea, they will take care of the property and it is giving them a helping hand, nobody seems to do that anymore."

The Montbello resident opened her eyes, and reached for her replenished beer, "I want those potholes on my street filled" she murmured.

The North Aurora resident's eyes were sparkling, "You should see the size of those rigs that we use to fix the taxiways, cripes! We could lay down eight inches of concrete on your whole street!"

The Montbello lady took a big gulp, shook her head, "I don't want any concrete tracked onto my new carpet, that sucker is going to cost me my whole tax incentive check!"

"That's the government, thinks spending our tax money will solve our problems, they shouldn't have taken it away from us in the first place. Green Valley Ranch is building a fancy smancy community center instead of working to solve our problems.I need to be in charge, I'd cut taxes and give the people a voice in making decisions. No more secret meeting held in the darkened rooms without the public present."

The Montbello resident nodded her head, "My problems started in with such a meeting, that worthless hunk gave me something all right. If I see him crossing the street, he better have his track shoes on."

The North Aurora resident spoke as he pulled the pitcher of "pure Rocky Mountain Spring Water" toward him, "I like the idea, I could be living in "Sanity" instead of on Tower Road; you wouldn't be living in Green Valley Ranch which isn't very green and definitely isn't a valley; and Montbello...that was some sort of battlefield wasn't it? Must have been, every time I hear of a shooting where one of the brothers takes a round, it seems to be in Montbello."

"We need more cops. We got more firetrucks then we have cop cars, don't seem right!"

The barmaid, waiting to collect still more soaked currency for her last delivery, shook her head, "I like Mayor Hickenlooper, he is cool, jumping out of airplanes and the like, I don't want to lose him!"

The Green Valley Ranch resident held up his hand, cocktail napkin attached, "We don't have to, we just wait until there are four homes in foreclosure in a row, and we just tear them down, and build Mayor Lopperhicken a mansion here in "Sanity". He wouldn't have all the problems he has now, with Hillary and Barack coming to town, and he might just open up a great beer joint up here in "Sanity". I'll bet his tables won't tilt and spill the beer. He could rest up for his race for the senate and solve our problems during tea time in the afternoon."

It was then that the lights flickered and Ray the bartender yelled, "Last Call". As I got off the stool, I wasn't certain that I was still staggering in Denver, or tottering toward being in "Sanity" but in either event, I wished the creative geniuses at the table, "good night" and started my walk at the door.

I thanked my luck that Homeland Security wasn't manning a checkpoint as I stumbled out the door. I tried to remember how many hours before I had to climb in the cockpit for the flight to Seattle. "Yes, this could be insanity."














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Showing 1 of 1 comments
Submitted By: J D
posted on 5/19/2008 @ 9:03:48 PM
Rated Story
Oh great another anti GVR story. Please, get your facts straight before you open your mouth. For starters the GVR Metro District has no control over foreclosures; go complain about Bad Lender practices! And all City services go through, um the City so go complain to Hickenlooper!
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CONTRIBUTOR INFORMATION

Charles Spratt

Denver , CO

Charles Spratt has posted 15 stories and 7 comments since joining on 2/25/2008. Charles Spratt 's average story rating is 1.97.
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