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No longer my brother's keeper

Contributed by: Erin Di Paolo on 1/11/2007

I just have to get something off my chest. It has been eating away at me. I am not the kind of person that likes to pretend or live in denial. I am angry. And in pain. And just so tired.

You see, I have a brother that really is no brother at all. If I talk about him, chance are you will not know who he is. We do not have the same last name any more, as I am married. I can't believe we ever shared the same life or house or parents.

I will simply refer to him here as the brother who no longer exists to me, really.

Thankfully, I do have another brother, Eric, who I can name. He is a good brother; he and his wife are guardians of our children, should my husband and I prematurely perish. I wish to make it clear that I am not speaking of the good brother, but the bad one.

My brother is not bad because he screws up once in a while. He is not bad because we had spats when we were kids or he forgot to do his chores once in a while. No, he is bad for very deep, dark reasons, all of which I will not go into here. The reason I write about him is this: there is a time to let go of people and the time for me is now. After decades (yes, decades) of bailing him out and trying to help him, I can't do it anymore. I am no longer my brother's keeper. He is now in God's hands.

I am the type of person, if I dwell on things, those things will consume me. I can be consumed with feelings of grief, inadequacy, loss. We all can, of course, but I tend to go deeper and darker. For years now, my family has allowed my brother to dominate it; to control it. Every time we talk, it seems, conversation eventually turns to my brother. What he has done now, what we think he will do, what can we do to help him. How can we save him?

There is no human way left to save him. In all honesty, everyone in the family has done all they can do. He is simply a lost cause. I do not say that lightly because I rarely give up on anything or anyone. But now I have. For my own well-being and that of my husband and children, I simply must give up.

Maybe you have someone in your life who is totally tearing you apart. Maybe you can't get away from the person; maybe you can. I don't pretend to be a shrink who can help people decide such crucial things. But I do know that people gain freedom and deliverance when they realize there are others out there who have the same struggles. And it is freeing to know one has done all he or she can do. There is freedom, too, in letting go.

God, how I hope you don't share my struggles in this area. But if you do, take solace in the fact that you are not alone. I am there, also. And there is no lonelier place to be.



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CONTRIBUTOR INFORMATION

Erin Di Paolo

Denver , CO

Erin Di Paolo has posted 61 stories and 6 comments since joining on 3/18/2006. Erin Di Paolo 's average story rating is 4.81.
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