The months of struggle that our economy has gripped us in, have made me a pawn in a game. I've always enjoyed games, and this is much the same because my favorites are the ones in which I am my own competition; I have only myself to better.
It began when I had no money to spend at the mall, or Target, or Barnes and Noble.
No money to fill the gas tank and wander. No money to scurry for fast food. No money for home improvement.
The coin purse was dry, and so I sat.
I sat and pondered.
Too much energy to sit for very long, and so I cleaned. I dusted, and vacuumed, scrubbed and organized. I wanted the clutter in the house to pack up and vacate, and take with it the clutter in my mind.
There was no release from the pattern because it wasn't a weekend short of funds, it was months, with no end in sight. I became a master in the repetition.
Now, the desire to spend even a nickel has faded.
My closet is filled with the same worn clothes, but now I see a different way to wear them.
At first glance, the cupboards appear bare, but within them lie a feast of nutritious meals, void only of the crutch foods that satisfied a masked gnawing, unrelated to hunger.
My gardens can be tended and weeded, and left to flourish with natural beauty.
Now, in my time, I have only myself to offer. I don't have to arrive with pretense, just a smile and a gentle touch.
I have no more money as I come upon the last day of April, but I will greet the first day of May wealthier. I have peace within, hope for those in need, gratitude and appreciation for those with more, and thanks for the quiet simplicity of my life.
Lack of money has helped me to come upon my riches.
Anxiety is trapped in my desire and vision for what is not yet achieved, in the eternal race.
I take a deep breath and step into my reality. I embrace the lack of my situation, both physical and mental, so that there is comfort in each day. Once I accept my surroundings as true, I relax.
Then, in the steps that lie ahead, I have a chance to leave my imprint.
Have a wonderful, last day of April!