I would want the wisdom that I carry with me today, along with the energy of a less worn body. But, life is more complicated than that, and longing for the feeling of tiny arms wrapped around my neck, and the soft smells of a freshly bathed little one of my own are long gone.
My thoughts sometimes allow me to conveniently forget the more difficult stages of parenting, and having raised two wildly wonderful guys, who are not only successful, but are individualswho have made their space in the world a little better, make that easy. If you met them, you'd see what I mean!
The joys of parenting adults are multidimensional. Beyond pride and admiration for their scholarly accomplishments and career decisions, I simply love watching them live their lives. I adore how they are both caring, passionate and stand their ground on issues that are important to them. Our conversations are lively, and hearing their opinions on issues, even when we don't necessarily agree,are engaging and solidify our relationship. Any topic is fair game. They tell me I'm open minded and forward thinking, with a shoulder to lean on. They tell me I'm good at hearing what's not said, and reading between the lines.
The larger reality is, I want to know who they are. In the here and now.
I've watched their successes and struggles. I've watched them reach deep down inside their souls to solve problems. I've seen their personal growth from those time of crisis, and cried and celebrated alongside them. We don't live a candy-coated life, but as the day is long, it is a charmed life, because we are really "with" each other when we're together.
My boys are as different as night and day in many ways, but the light within them shines the same. Bright with possibilities ...
They're no longer my little boys. They now stand proudly beside their Dad as men, who know what is important in life.
They know how to love, laugh and live. That's all I ever wanted for them.