Yesterday, while deeply engrossed in some work I was doing on the computer, my daughter approached me, very excited and extremely proud of herself. "Mommy, I have beads in my nose." I looked at her and absentmindedly said, "Good job." She left the room. I stopped what I was doing and stared at the computer screen for a second, my mind racing; finally, the synapse catches...OMG...what did she just say? "Macy, come here," I say. "Did you tell me you have beads in your nose?" "Yes, Mommy, I do." Listening to her speak, I realize she does sound a bit nasal. "OK," I reply, "show me." Sure enough, she tilts her head back and in each nostril, I see a strategically positioned pearl-like bead. I take a deep breath and try not to panic but at the same time, I'm trying not to bust a gut laughing. This is the stuff motherhood is made of and it's for the birds!

I tell my daughter to stay very still because I'm going to try getting the beads out. One of my friends from college is a pediatrician and I have heard many a story from him about things he's had to extract out of noses, ears, well, you name it. Given that I have a background in sports medicine & orthopedics and have seen my share of much worse, I think this is a problem that can be easily remedied in the safety & comfort of my own living room although in the back of my mind, I'm thinking to myself that I'd really like to avoid having to explain to the nurse at the ER that my daughter has beads in her nose because I am a failure as a mother since I wasn't paying close enough attention to what she was doing while she was in the other room playing. I take a deep breath...Operation Bead Removal begins.

Before I go any further, let me just put my disclaimer in here now, and I am doing so in all sincerity... I do not condone or recommend to any of you reading this that you follow suit and repeat my actions should you ever find yourself in this situation!! Take your child to a medical professional!

The first one pretty much falls right out. When I go to start on the other side, I realize that she hadn't put a single bead in each nostril; she'd PACKED her nose with them! Behind the bead I'd just gotten out, was another. This is for the birds. I looked at Macy and instructed her to try blowing her nose. So, doing what any other 2 year old would do, she takes a deep breath in THROUGH HER NOSE and then puffs the air out. I say, "NO!!" In my mind's eye, I'm envisioning a pinball machine in her sinus cavity that allows a bead to drop into her throat with each inhalation, and it's my job to keep the ball from dropping, god forbid it finds it's way into her trachea and lands in her lung, lost forever and compromising her ability to breathe for the rest of her life. Too bad my daughter doesn't have little buttons in her ears to push so I can activate her tonsils to act like those little flipper things.

OK...back to the task at hand..."No, honey," I say, "take a deep breath in through your mouth." She does. "Now, blow out the air through your nose." Again, deep breath in through the nose. This mission might require the assistance of an ER visit, after all... several beads were lodged up there. After considering the thought, I decided that I could do this sans help from a doctor who was probably going to do pretty much the same thing I was about to do. I told my daughter to stay where she was and explained that I was going to use a special tool to help me get the rest of the beads out. I ran upstairs and retrieved a Revlon manicure set that I never use-one look at my nails and one might find it impressive that I even own a manicure set, but that is beside the point. It just so happens that this set has a tool with an angled head on it (for cutting cuticles, maybe?) It is the perfect size and angle to scoop the remaining beads out and I knew I could use this, get the beads out and not do any damage to my daughter's nose, her psyche and my own conscience. Sure enough, it worked like a charm. One bead down, three to go. Pop, pop, pop...out they came. No harm done, no foul cried, no blood shed, and most importantly, NO ER VISIT!! Woo Hoo-I'm a rock star!

My daughter said, "Thanks, Mommy!" I looked at her and very sternly said, "We do not put ANYTHING in our nose. Do you understand?" She looks at me; her big brown eyes boring into mine and finally, she says, "Yes, Mommy. Can I go play now?" She gets up before I can respond and happily runs into the other room where she resumes playing as if nothing had happened. I looked at the clock; the entire ordeal had lasted a mere 3 minutes yet it seemed as though I'd lost 10 years off my life.