Part 1: How to Control Holiday Stress

We are all looking for the same experiences: love, joy, peace, fulfillment. No one wants to live a life full of anger and hate. This holiday season can sometimes decrease our ability to live the life of joy we crave because of the increased demands on our time, the increased expectations we put on ourselves and the responsibility we feel to family and traditions that may no longer serve us.

Nothing from the past has to define the future. Sometimes it may feel like your life is controlled by events that happened to you decades ago. If you see yourself doing self destructive or self sabotaging behavior, know that there is a way to be free from your pain.

This article is the first in a six part series about releasing fear during the holiday season. The holiday season can resurface old wounds. Family gatherings with people we associate with dysfunctional or abusive relationships can cause us despair. But, you can break free from these patterns. You don't have to surrender to circumstances that cause you pain. You can grow stronger during this holiday season by being aware and making different choices. You have control over how you feel, think and act.

I know a person who dreaded going home for the holidays. She lives 1500 miles away from her family and enjoys the distance. On her own, she can define who she is, how she spends her day and embrace the activities that fulfill her. The trip home meant spending time with family members who spend much of their time complaining about circumstances in their lives. She felt powerless to help those around her and this increased her anxiety and stress. This stress started to develop months before she left for her trip. She would anticipate the evenings of quiet distress when she would just try to become invisible and retreat as much as she could. There was no joyful anticipation for the event.

But, this woman felt it was important to keep the family connection to her roots. As we discussed the upcoming holiday trip, we looked at each of the moments she was dreading. Seeing her father brought up anxiety because of the verbal abuse she endured as a child. This year, she has an opportunity to make a choice. She could set limits of what was acceptable. She was an adult and could leave a situation at any time. She could release the powerless grip on her childhood experience and live every moment in the now. By just looking with fresh eyes on events and experiences as they occurred, she could react to the action as it occurs now. She could remove herself from the past and the feelings that surfaced from old events.

As I said before, nothing from the past has to define the future. This example is just one person's story. You may find that the pain caused by encountering a person during the family gathering may not be worth the trip. To determine what is best for you, sit quietly and listen to your body. As you think about an anticipated situation, ask yourself how it makes you feel. Do you experience any anxiety anywhere in your body? Can you think of a way to change your view of the situation to a view that will empower you? Instead of being held hostage by an aunt who talks your ear off for hours, can you see yourself as an instrument of light for a lonely woman? Perhaps your ability to listen gives her the strength she needs in her life.

For you to live a life that is fully expressed, you need to move away from being run by old patterns and old wounds. Your ability to decide how you will react to a situation is your greatest power. You can control how you think.

Next week we will delve into how to handle hurtful wounds that may resurface during the holiday celebrations. Remember, freedom is a choice.

Cynthia James is a lecturer, teacher, internationally renowned performing artist and author of "What Will Set You Free". She currently serves as an associate minister at Mile Hi Church, in Lakewood, Colorado, one of the largest new thought spiritual centers in the world, with a congregation of over 10,000 member and friends. To learn more about living a life of passion, visit her website at www.whatwillsetyoufree.com.