Part 3: How To Use Emotional Freedom Techniques when Visiting Family at a Holiday Celebrations

How would you like to live a life that is not run by your 'old stuff'. We have all had experiences that caused us pain or wounded us in some way. We have a choice about how we are going to handle those feelings. I believe that the calling of every individual is to be heard. Knowing how to speak with your authentic voice gives you the power to break free from your wounds.

In our society, connection to your feelings and emotions is not encouraged. When we were children we were told "don't cry", "be a big girl", "be a big boy". We were taught if we express the feeling of anger or distress it is too confrontive for people so we start pushing down those feelings, We were not taught how to "experience" our feelings in order to flourish. We can't repress our feelings, they come out anyway. They come out in dis-ease in the body, they come out in feelings in the body, they come out in erratic behavior, they come out in substance abuse or promiscuity. They come out and until we start dealing with them they will push against us and express in ways that may not be supportive.

Operating from a place of fear of your pain turns your fear into a reality. The more I tried to avoid the pain the more challenging situations would appear. When I finally got the courage to honestly share my thoughts or my feelings, I'd have a pain in my throat and my jaw got tight. Finally, one day I realized that if I was going to be heard, I had to find another way to communicate. I had to share from the heart and not from the fear I carried around as old baggage. Most of the people I work with have lost the ability to speak their truth and to stand in a way where they can express themselves. They discover that when put in any kind of situation where there is conflict or seeming conflict, their body shuts down, their throats constrict, their bodies disconnect. There is a mind/body connection. It is important to start understanding what is happening in your body and move into a place where you can express. The absence of voice and the body shutting down will disconnect you. That is why we often find ourselves immobilized in familial surroundings or conversations.

When preparing to enter uncomfortable situations, the first step is to find out what YOU want. Find out what you need and then begin to uncover the ways in which you can express your truth from a place of compassion. You are being called to "find your voice" and then express it in a way that can be heard. Create a script for yourself that is authentic for you. Look at the ways in which you have responded in the past and then decide to do it differently. Create key phrases that are simple and clear. Commit them to memory and do not waver when confronted. You do not want to be pulled back into the pattern that has operated for so long.

To find your voice try this exercise, ask yourself 'What emotion is attached to this memory?' Is it anger, shame, fear or guilt? Then ask yourself "What have I always wanted to say or do relative to this person or event?" Allow yourself to feel the feelings that comes up. Then, acknowledge yourself for your bravery and wisdom. Say to yourself "My emotions are not in control of my life. In this moment, I choose to embrace positive and empowering way to communicate my feelings to myself and others".

The gift in acknowledging our feelings is that it can free us from our pain. I believe the pain or discomfort keeps coming back because we are meant to live in places of wholeness. That is how we came to this planet. Unity keeps trying to bring us back to center, to our balance.

Next week we will learn how to choose freedom over fear. Remember, freedom is a choice.

Cynthia James is a lecturer, teacher, internationally renowned performing artist and author of "What Will Set You Free". She currently serves as an associate minister at Mile Hi Church, in Lakewood, Colorado, one of the largest new thought spiritual centers in the world, with a congregation of over 10,000 member and friends. To learn more about living a life of passion, visit her website at www.whatwillsetyoufree.com.