In late 1955, Harry Truman found his wife Bess at the fireplace in their Independence, Missouri, home burning letters she had written to him in the last 50 years. Truman said, "Bess think of history!" She said, "I am," and she burned them. However, Bess didn't destroy the letters that Truman wrote her, and 1322 of those charmingly direct, frequently funny, and sometimes touching messages are on display at the Truman Library in Independence.
Truman’s letters to his Bess are a serialized love story that began in 1910 when he was a farmer struggling against drought. They continued until their retirement in their big frame house in Independence, Missouri. In 1981, a year before Mrs. Truman died; two women from the Truman Library found the letters stuffed in drawers, desks, closets, the attic and the storeroom over the kitchen. In the courtship correspondence there are many examples of Truman’s hallmark frankness. On July 12, 1911, he wrote, “You know that you turn me down so easy. I never was fool enough to think that a girl like you could ever care for a fellow like me, but I couldn’t help telling you how I felt. I’ve never met a girl in my life that you were not the first to be compared with her to see wherein she was lacking; and she always was.”
Every couple has a love story. Some have it recorded in ink, or type or e-mail stuffed away in boxes or hard drives. For most, it is an oral history infrequently told. When was the last time you recalled your story together? Stories link past, present, and future in a way that tells us where we have been, where we are, and where we could be going. With Valentine’s Day just around the corner, I encourage you to consider a new ritual - one that fits very naturally with the holiday but shouldn’t be relegated to only one day a year. This Valentine’s Day take a trip down memory lane. Take the journey together. Invite a few friends. Include your kids. Take time to remember your courtship or the beginning of your relationship as a couple.
Begin by recalling that time when you were just beginning your friendship. Do you remember the first time you saw each other? What attracted you to your partner when you first met?
Next, think about your first date, or your most memorable positive date! Pam and I have a great time with this because our first date was actually in the Ngong Hills overlooking the Great Rift Valley in Kenya.
When did the relationship become serious? When and how did you commit yourselves to one another? What were your hopes and dreams? What have been your most memorable moments?
Reminiscing over the beginning chapters and verse of your life together will lengthen the smile of a vibrant marriage and has the potential to renew a relationship that has become routine. It is a gift your children and friends will enjoy, even if you decide like Bess to burn a few letters!
Rich Batten is the father of four, a certified family life educator and the family and consumer science agent for the Colorado State University Cooperative Extension Office in Douglas County Colorado.