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Blog Entry 41 of 44 Welcome to The Retroplex
I'm usually in full-blown reminisce mode anyway, so why not make the rest of you poor saps suffer along with me, right?

Here, you'll find no shortage (well...unless I can't think of any new material) of meaningless but ultimately harmless bits of ephemera covering the past 20 or so years of pop culture, and my occasional interactions with it. Whether you're into the iconic or the ironic, sooner or later, I'll probably get around to it.
Watch, as the hilarity ensues! Or, if you prefer, gawk like a shocked passerby witnessing a horrible accident!

Blog Url: http://denver.yourhub.com/~TheRetroplex

Stuff we'll never, ever see again

Contributed by: Jared Keller   on 10/17/2007

So, I was sitting around the other night, digging through a box of old junk that I had sitting in my basement. As is the case with pretty much anything that I do, this activity triggered some mix of reminiscing and mawkish, self-indulgent over analysis, resulting in the following blog post, which, as the title suggests, deals with stuff we'll never, ever see again. Specifically, I'm talking about those little things which, by their absence from our modern-day, 21st century, futuristic lives (what with the jet packs and flying cars, and all), help to define where we've come from, and where we're going.

First up? Realistic cap guns.

Yeah. That's right...the kind like the one seen in photo #1. This little beauty is the Edison Giocattoli "Matic .45". My buddy Bill and I bought ourselves a couple of these at a BEST store that used to sit at University and Dry Creek, and we proceeded to run amok throughout his neighborhood, blasting away at everything that looked even remotely dangerous, and/or communist. What can I say, we were hopped up on Godfather's Pizza and Like soda, and had just watched Police Academy III at the old Cherry Knolls theater. I'm pretty sure we'd checked out Red Dawn the night before, too, so really, our behavior couldn't have been helped.

Nowadays, should anyone venture into public with something remotely gun-shaped, and not flourescent green, SWAT teams will be called, the National Guard mobilized, and Oprah enlisted to shake her head disapprovingly.

We won't even get into the Entertech water guns...

Next up? Sitcoms.

No, no, no...not stuff like Curb Your Enthusiasm, or Arrested Development. I'm talking about good shows...like Mr. Belvedere, or Perfect Strangers, or My Black Son.

Where are the rockin' theme songs, laugh tracks, and plot contrivances? Where's the heart? Where are Thomas Miller, or Robert Boyett? Modern TV bites.

There's plenty more where that came from, but perhaps this little episode can best be wrapped up tightly by what I think to be Jack Handey's finest nugget of pure, 24-carat wisdom:

If you ever drop your keys in a river of molten lava, forget them, because man...they're gone.


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Showing 1-9 of 9 comments
Submitted By: Travis Henry
posted on 10/31/2007 @ 9:19:33 AM
Rated Blog Entry
Jarts were great. We received a set Easter morning and they were confiscated within twenty minutes.
[Report as objectionable]
Submitted By: William Boucher
posted on 10/25/2007 @ 5:03:54 PM
Rated Blog Entry
Heaving sharpened metal pikes at each. Those were the days. Sounds like an episode of Star Trek.
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Submitted By: Jared Keller
posted on 10/25/2007 @ 10:35:58 AM
(Not Rated)
Jarts! I'd forgotten about those...
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Submitted By: Karin Malchow
posted on 10/23/2007 @ 11:52:24 AM
Rated Blog Entry
My kids played with cap guns that looked like real guns, courtesy of my father (aka the Rummage Saling Pack Rat.) Last summer we were at someone's house who didn't turn in their Jarts to the proper authorities and some kid pierced my kid's face. The perp cried because he "felt so bad" (about getting caught) and everyone swarmed around, comforting him. I said, "Hey, my kid's got the dart in his face."
[Report as objectionable]
Submitted By: Bill Prather
posted on 10/23/2007 @ 11:19:24 AM
Rated Blog Entry
Real Lawn Darts ("Jarts") that really stuck in the ground! We used to throw them straight-up and run like heck, hoping not to be hit.
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Submitted By: Michael Rule
posted on 10/23/2007 @ 7:19:12 AM
Rated Blog Entry
I once had a machine gun complete with tripod. I blasted away at all my buddies. Eventually they just flat refused to die, though I tried to convince them "you must be dead, I just blasted you with a machine gun!"
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Submitted By: William Boucher
posted on 10/19/2007 @ 10:50:39 PM
Rated Blog Entry
Remember the cap guns with the red roll with little pockets of gun powder? Popping them with hammers was also fun. I can remember buying a starters gun and blanks when I was 12 or so.
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Submitted By: Gladys Mercier
posted on 10/19/2007 @ 8:10:16 PM
Rated Blog Entry
Oh for the good old days of good sitcoms.
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Submitted By: Barbara Neff
posted on 10/18/2007 @ 4:49:10 PM
Rated Blog Entry
Jared, read Bill Boucher's blog about the changing face of public parks. Similar sentiment.
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Showing 1-9 of 9 comments
CONTRIBUTOR INFORMATION

Jared Keller

Littleton

Jared Keller has posted 44 blog entries and 57 comments since joining on 12/1/2005. Jared Keller 's average blog rating is 5.
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