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Blog Entry 36 of 44 Welcome to The Retroplex
I'm usually in full-blown reminisce mode anyway, so why not make the rest of you poor saps suffer along with me, right?

Here, you'll find no shortage (well...unless I can't think of any new material) of meaningless but ultimately harmless bits of ephemera covering the past 20 or so years of pop culture, and my occasional interactions with it. Whether you're into the iconic or the ironic, sooner or later, I'll probably get around to it.
Watch, as the hilarity ensues! Or, if you prefer, gawk like a shocked passerby witnessing a horrible accident!

Blog Url: http://denver.yourhub.com/~TheRetroplex

A couple of hucksters who deserved a beatin'

Contributed by: Jared Keller   on 7/25/2007

I think we can all agree that any of us around and coherent in the 80s and early 90s would love to have seen the Dreaded Zabka pound the snot out of at least a few people. At the very least, the following two characters deserved the Wrath O' Zabka, but sadly, were never subjected to the righteous slobberknocking they so richly deserved. First up? A TV ad character who should never have existed. He hocked a product that cost hundreds of bucks and was fully obsolete by the time you bought it. What's more, he's been rendered completely and utterly irrelevant by Al Gore's interweb. Yes, dear friends, I give you The Encyclopedia Britannica Kid. Remember him? He had a report due on space. Yeah.

I suppose that I should mention the kid's real name: Donovan Freberg. Given the fact that he was only called "Baby Boy" until the age of five, when his parents finally named him, I suppose we should all be glad that he chose to vent his pent-up rage by hocking encyclopedias, rather than taking aim from a clock tower somewhere. Yikes.

Next up on the "Who Zabka Should Have Mauled"-list? Crispy.

Yeah, that's right. Crispy. You know...the goofy foam beastie who convinced you to bug your folks for Post's Crispy Critters cereal when you were a kid? Crispy deserved a beatin' for a couple of reasons. First up? Even with the schnoz and the halting speech, the guy was no Jimmy Durante. By default, lousy impressions should earn one a beatin'. Next? The guy was a sellout. Not only was he a sellout, however, he offered up his own tiny kinfolk for our consumption. He was one bona fide sick, twisted maniac, that Crispy.

Indubitably.


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Showing 1-6 of 6 comments
Submitted By: Gladys Mercier
posted on 7/29/2007 @ 2:33:38 PM
Rated Blog Entry
The cereal kid " Mikey" was kinda cute. If Mikey likes it..... please don't give him a beatin'
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Submitted By: Nikki Britain
posted on 7/27/2007 @ 11:23:59 AM
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I would like to politely suggest for Zabka's mauling the "Where's the Beef?" lady. Except that she's probably already dead.
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Submitted By: Michael Rule
posted on 7/27/2007 @ 7:05:53 AM
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You mean that's not a balanced breakfast Brendan? Being in my 20's during the 80's I find I was way too involved in myself back then to notice many of these things........ I do however enjoy your reminisces!
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Submitted By: Jillian Melchior
posted on 7/26/2007 @ 3:33:27 PM
Rated Blog Entry
I'll second the head-on guy. Perhaps he'll spontaneously combust someday.
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Submitted By: Brendan Leonard
posted on 7/26/2007 @ 12:17:15 PM
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Remember in the '80s, when a "balanced" breakfast always consisted of a bowl of cereal, a glass of orange juice, and two pieces of toast with one pat of butter on top? Huh.
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Submitted By: Bill Boucher
posted on 7/26/2007 @ 7:30:35 AM
Rated Blog Entry
If zabka can time warp, I vote for the person behind those "head-on" commercials.
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Showing 1-6 of 6 comments
CONTRIBUTOR INFORMATION

Jared Keller

Littleton

Jared Keller has posted 44 blog entries and 57 comments since joining on 12/1/2005. Jared Keller 's average blog rating is 5.
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