"The Counseling System: A Play"

Liza: student at heritage

Susan: secretary in counseling office

Mary: secretary in counseling office

Ms. Clawson: counselor

Act 1:

[Liza, a student at Heritage High School, is attempting to make an appointment to speak to her counselor about a scheduling conflict.]

Liza: [Opens the door to the counseling office and walks in] Hi. I would like to make an appointment to speak to Ms. Clawson.

Susan: [without looking up] Do you have an appointment?

Liza: No, that's why I came here....to make an appointment.

Susan: No, I meant, do you have an appointment to make an appointment?

Liza: Excuse me?

Susan: You can't just walk in here expecting to make an appointment without an appointment.

Liza: Oh, um, well I wasn't aware of this.

Susan: I'm sure. [aside] Teenagers.....always thinking they can just bend the rules to make life even more convenient for them!

Liza: [Phone rings]Well then may I sign up for a time to make an appointment?

Susan: [To Liza] Excuse me. [Picks up phone and begins a lively conversation with Mary who sits two desks away]

Mary: She thought she could do what?!

Susan: I know, what did I tell you! She honestly believes that she can make an appointment just like THAT! What are you doing for lunch tod...

Liza: [Interrupting] EXCUSE ME!

Susan: [Into phone] Hold on Mary...she's talking again. [To Liza] What do you want?

Liza: I would like to sign up to make an appointment!

Susan: Where are your manners? Were you raised in a barn? Here is the sign up sheet, looks like we are completely booked except for Thursday at 7:24 a.m.

Liza: [signing name angrily] Thanks.

Susan: [into phone] So what do you say we skip out early and take a long lunch like yesterday?

Act 2:

[After making an appointment to make an appointment, Liza returns to the counseling office in order to see her counselor Ms. Clawson.]

Liza: Hello.

Susan: What do you want?

Liza: I am here to see Ms. Clawson.

Susan: Do you have an appointment?

Liza: Of course. It's at 10:37.

Susan: Well, you're just going to have to have a little patience and wait your turn.

Liza: Wait my turn? There is no one here! And it's 10:36! Please just let me see her!

Susan: Well I am sorrrrrrrrrr-y, but it is not your turn so please step back and wait until your allotted time slot.

Liza: Whatever.

Susan: We at the Counseling Office are always prompt. It's the law of the Counseling Office so just wait until your name is called.

Act 3:

Susan: [13 minutes later] Excuse me!

Liza: Ya?

Susan: Ms. Clawson has stepped out to lunch.

Liza: Ok...well when will she be back?

Susan: Oh, she won't be back today. When you are a prestigious member of the Counseling Office you may take off without warning whenever you please.

Liza: But I had an appointment!

Susan: Stercus accidit!

Act 4:

[After 2 weeks of trying to make appointments for appointments, having Ms. Clawson step out for lunches, manicures, massages and other pressing matters such as these, Liza FINALLY made it into Ms. Clawson's office.]

Liza: Hello, Ms. Clawson, I wanted to talk to you about my schedule.

Ms. Clawson: Well Marcy, I am af...

Liza: It's Liza.

Ms. Clawson: Huh?

Liza: My name is Liza...you said Marcy.

Ms. Clawson: No I didn't. Well anyways Marcy, I am afraid that I will be unable to help you with your schedule for I am a very busy woman and it is not my job to help you correct scheduling mistakes that you made which should have been fixed before you turned in your registration card.

Liza: But Ms. Clawson...I am enrolled in Men's Jazz Ensemble.

Ms. Clawson: Your point?

Liza: I'M A GIRL!! And I don't even know how to play an instrument!

Ms. Clawson: Well then what a wonderful learning experience for you!

Liza: Besides the fact that that is utterly ridiculous, I need P.E. credits or I can't graduate!

Ms. Clawson: Well you should have thought of that before you signed up for Men's Jazz Ensemble.

Liza: I DIDN'T! I can't take that class. I won't be allowed to graduate if I don't get P.E. credits.

Ms. Clawson: Well best of luck this year! But unfortunately I have a very pressing matter to attend to at Aspen Grove. It was lovely seeing you again Marcy, do stop by again! Tootles!

[Liza never did get out of Men's Jazz Ensemble. She did not attain all her credits and was forced to become a super senior. However, Ms. Clawson did write Marcy a stellar recommendation. Unfortunately for Liza, her name was not Marcy and she was rejected from every university she applied to. She applied for several jobs but the only one she could get without a college degree was a job as a high school counselor. She currently works at Arapahoe High School.]

The End.