Article Contributed on: 10/28/2008 1:59:45 PM
I sat down at my desk the other morning with my November ballot in one hand, coffee in the other, and Halloween on my mind. I figured I'd take 15 minutes to hash out the mail-in ballot so I could then focus on the more important issue of whether the blonde or brunette wig would go best with my alter ego for the upcoming neighborhood Halloween bash.
Four hours later I was banging my head against the wall, sans wig. Ten amendments, four referendums and two Littleton ballot issues. That's sixteen questions. Sixteen! Forget
McCain or
Obama, and don't even think about the other 8 officials or the 13 judges. After half a day, four cups of coffee, and countless ignored business calls, I still had only muddled through 9 of the 16 questions. Guess that costume would have to wait.
I printed out the 66 page "blue book" - the 2008 State Ballot Information Booklet -and read each measure carefully. I researched each ballot question on the internet. I tried to recall all the newspaper stories, editorials, and commercials I've read and watched. I desperately wanted to be the good citizen, to be an educated voter, to cast my ballot only after I thoroughly understood the pros and cons of each issue.
Boy, was I naive.
I discovered that the more I studied the questions, the more they drove me insane. Words like "shall", "may", and "therewith" combined with double negatives, confusing political terms, and run-ons that would confuse any high school English teacher. Many of the questions are actually long paragrahs, but use semi-colons and repeated conjunctions that would make School House Rock proud.
My cold coffee now had a layer of film on it, my vision was as fuzzy as my daughter's pink slippers and my brain had turned to tapioca. I looked down at my notes: a few yes's, a few no's, and a bunch of question marks. Enough, I thought, and I reached for my two wigs, but they weren't there. I heard some rustling in the other room and discovered my two golden retrievers playing tug of war with the blonde wing. The brunette was already destroyed. I tried to give them the blue book instead, but they wanted nothing to do with it.
Guess I'll forgo the wigs and the alter ego and wear something more appropriate this Halloween. Maybe I'll dress up as a giant question mark.