ROYAL TIMES Hub - Breaking News! Lord Lonnie of Littleton apprehends the elusive, massive Excalibur beast.
It was the year Nineteen-Hundred Ninety-One, and Lord Lonnie and his lovely Lady, Linda, were exhausted after the long day of sightseeing and bartering with street vendors, only to remember that they could simply not return home empty-handed for one very special member of the royal family. Although a new crown and veil had been acquired for the Princess, the Lord knew he must seek something magnificent for the youngest member of the royal family.
Although the Lord was truly skeptical, he decided to throw caution to the arid winds as he approached the mysterious underground lair of the castle in search of the beast often seen but never captured.
Lord Lonnie waged a blood-thirsty battle in excess of thirty minutes as the crafty carnival joker laughed disdainfully, using all his wily powers to distract the Lord from the task at hand. Joker Jack prodded the Lord to act in such an ungentlemanly manner, including contemptuous tactics expected of lower class pufftants. The Lord had only himself to rely upon during the petrifying mêlée. The Lord's tenacious determination, his warrior training and masterful skills allowed him to capture the mysterious and obscure creature.
Exhausted and physically drained after the ordeal, Lord Lonnie was able to "
bag" the gigantic, purple plush creature intact for the tiny love of his heart, Princess Kacie. You see, given the tender age of four, the Princess was not allowed to travel across the vast countryside to attend the barbaric Excalibur celebration in the land known as Las Vegas, where meals are consumed with no grace or utensils - but which are devoured simply by using one's hands and where normal people act in the most outlandish manner. Although celebrating the 10th year of their union, the parties had never left Lady Kacie behind or traveled without her since her birth.
The Lord did not know that his battle had only begun! Hoisting and man-handling the refuse bag containing the mighty purple beast, the Lord and his Lady attempted to board the coach which would return them to the Province of Stapleton and ultimately to the Kingdom of Littleton, only to be told by the hoity attendant that such heavy, unnecessary baggage would simply not be tolerated upon the gleaming royal coach. His blue eyes twinkled as he readied himself for yet another battle. The Lord's smooth-tongued tête-à-tête melted the icy exterior of the glaring, over-bearing attendant. You see, nobody could bear to break the heart of the 4-year old Princess waiting every so patiently for the return of the Lord and Lady. The Lord had promised the Princess he would return safely from the betting land of Las Vegas with the most spectacular surprise. The Lord bowed to the attendant amid roaring cheers from the crowd as she graciously placed the plastic-bound, magnificent beast onto a throne made for a King (in first class, of course).
The beast made not a peep, snort, smoke puff or wriggle during the lengthy travel to its more sophisticated home. Upon its arrival, it became a best-loved friend to the Princess, where it lived happily ever-after (until its donation to charity in the year Two Thousand and Four).