This is for all the girls, whether you'reeighteen or eighty-teen. You're under constant bombardment, sometimes overt and sometimes covert, from folks who'll benefit from keeping you insecure and distracted and diminished. Here's a simple tip:
Don't listen.
Don't listen to:
* Messages that tell you that what happens to you defines who you are. You might be the victim of a crime or of not-so-great treatment by another person, but that doesn't mean that you are a victim forever. Your character is made up of biology and neurology and years and years of living experience - - how could a mere few minutes or hours change your essence? It doesn't.
* Entities that insist that you choose between two extremes - - either being a soft, helpless, weak-voiced and weak-willed girl to succeed in love or being a she-male to succeed in business. Your truth is somewhere in between the polarizations, so find what's real for you and stick to it like Gorilla Glue.
* People who want you to soften your voice or dilute your words. You don't need to adopt a faux high and/or breathy voice because that will make you less intimidating. Always remember whose problem it is if you're supposedly intimidating - - it's the problem of the tiny frightened people who allow themselves to be intimidated.
* Businesses that want to profit from your fears and insecurities. You know who they are - - the diet industry, the anti-aging industry, the pharmacalogical industry, the home-protection industry. Note the word industry - - these are businesses that count on you being afraid, either for your physical or psychic safety, and that will gladly make money off false promises to protect you from your worst fears. You don't need their protection - - you are your OWN protection.
* Advertisers who try to make you feel that you are less of a woman if you don't accrue enough stuff - - home decor, shoes, clothes, lotions, potions, etc. You are not your stuff.
* Advertisers who make money off of selling you the image of a fake woman - - hairless in most places except for the non-graying hair on the head portion, smelling like perfume, batting long black lashes regardless of her true coloring, pointy-toed and high-heeled. It's so hard to resist this subtle and sometimes not-so-subtle pressure, but we have to keep challenging ourselves. C'mon, surely I'm not the only one who's a bit disturbed at the whole "hairless" thing. You know who's naturally hairless? Little prepubescent girls. Is that the standard for sexual attractiveness? And if so, YIKES.
* Anyone who tries to use the emotionality of women as a reason why they shouldn't participate in certain activities (politics, war, business, whatever). The United States will be in a much, much better place when political power is shared between men and women - - our responses to domestic and international affairs will be more balanced, without a doubt. Same goes for the military and business.
* People and institutions who insist that you be small, in every sense. Be a presence physically, emotionally, intellectually - - and use your power wisely.
* Political positioning that characterizes you as irresponsible and emotional and weak. You can and do make decisions with forethought and a willingness to accept responsibility.
* Characterizations of women as overly sensitive and out of touch with what's truly important. You have the ability to discern what is actually an issue and what is merely an irritant - - you can see the difference between physical abuse (a crime) and angry words (not a crime in any sense). You know the difference between sexual harassment that really affects your work (passed over for employment because you wouldn't shag the boss) versus clumsy overtures or talk from coworkers (social retardation is not a crime). You also are aware that there's a wider world out there, beyond shopping and manicures and pedicures and hairstyling appointments. Don't let them think otherwise.
Shut them off when they start. Don't let it take hold on you at all. Find out what's real for YOU and you go, grrrrrrrrrrrl.