There are two traditions associated with the new year, besides getting drunk. One is rehashing the previous year's events, often listed in tens. Year-end is a time to succinctly sum up the world as if we actually learned something.

The second tradition is the New Year Resolution. Combining it with listing, I think the top ten resolutions (in no particular order) are:

1. Lose weight
2. Exercise more.
3. Quit smoking.
4. Read a book a month.
5. Spend more quality time with family.
6. Drink less.
7. Save money.
8. Watch less television.
9. Be kinder.
10. Get organized.

By the end of January, these resolutions dilute somewhat, transforming to:

1. No more inhaling nacho cheese dip and a whole pizza after the Super Bowl is over, except for the next really big game.
2. Try again in the spring when the health club parking lot is not so crowded.
3. Smoke a generic, lower tar brand on the patio only, making sure to never be seen.
4. Finish the books you started in high school, when you can find them.
5. Define "quality time."
6. See Number One, substituting beer.
7. Make more money.
8. Cutting back on the mega-digital cable package costs as much as keeping it, and besides, you'd just rent more DVDs.
9. Be kind only to people who deserve it.
10. Find better place to hide the stacks.

I prefer a tradition with declining popularity, except on the Sports page: the year-end psychic predictions. (Not counting the prediction that everyone will break their resolutions.) So, following in the footsteps of Jeanne Dixon, I boldly make the following predictions for the coming year.

1. Reverend Al Sharpton asks President Bush to posthumously pardon James Brown for convictions of robbery, threatening real estate seminar attendees with a gun for allegedly using his bathroom, and PCP possession. "James doesn't need street cred in heaven," he asserts.
2. George Clooney sends engraved invitations to the paparazzi for his upcoming nuptials, coinciding with his latest movie release.
3. John Edwards withdraws from the presidential race, in the hope of reaching his true political aspiration, the vice presidency.
4. 90% of iPods purchased during the Christmas season will quit working, initiating a larger spike in high school grades nationwide than five years of No Child Left Behind.
5. The latest summer craze is SUV bashing, where people spontaneously beat their own vehicles with baseball bats at gas stations.
6. The United States officially denies the existence of any city named Kyoto.
7. Comcast signs an agreement with YouTube, broadcasting submitted videos on demand. Bob Saget hosts the new channel.
8. Widespread public support energizes a movement to add another month, Bacchusary, between November and December. "People need more time between holidays," says a spokesman for International Procrastinators, adding that numerous retail associations support the change.
9. Sociologists examine why lists have suddenly and inexplicably decreased to nine items.