I've just decided that parents of 6 year olds have it easy.

I have friends who have seniors graduating this year. They are staging open houses, printing cards, buying astonishingly expensive yearbooks, class rings, renting their caps and gowns, and being told they have to wear clothes under their gowns (I remember 1988...). Bullhorns are banned, and showing up inebriated to the event is frowned upon. Kids are being asked not to bring marbles and beach balls, and to adhere to the common civility of not mooning the crowd, even if you have "Go Raptors" emblazoned across your derriere in the school colors.

Kindergarteners are an easy group by comparison. Their yearbook this year is an amalgamation of glue and sprawling signatures in 37 point handwritten chaos font. Unlike teens who sniff paste, six year olds are still eating it. There's no kindergarten skip day, and if there was, it would consist of a gaggle of youth standing around on the playground with no car keys.

Sadly, there is to be no kindergarten graduation this year. This is because some of the kids aren't going to be moving into first grade next year and no one wanted to make anyone feel excluded. I understand this, and so does the school administration.

So, in an effort to make those kids staying behind in kindergarten next year feel like crap in a more innocuous way, the class practiced eating lunch in the cafeteria today (a privilege reserved for first graders and above).

Excited for this event, I checked in at the office this morning and waited as an animated group of 5 and 6 year olds filtered into the hallway. Anyone who has any class knows there's just about nothing more precious than a lot of small wiggly folks trying to manage a tray for the first time and being excited about their options in life, being chocolate milk versus regular.

We all squeezed into seats in the cafeteria together where possible and were told by the teacher that it's always an advantage that kids, because of the limited amount of time to savor their palatable meals during the school day, should begin by eating the healthful foods first and then move towards the more fatty foods.

I looked down at my melamine tray. I wasn't sure where to start in that case, but, as young eyes were watching, I was darned sure going to follow example for my kindergartener and the other kids nearby. The fried corn dogs, the cherry fruit pie and the French fries were all equally unhealthy, generally speaking.

That said, I heeded the teacher's advice and licked the catsup.

When questions were asked during this time, I raised my hand. "How do the kids request to use the restroom? I'd hate to think they're in there smoking during lunch." I thought the image of first graders standing around the restroom with packs of smokes rolled up in their t-shirt sleeves a la Grease was pretty funny, but maybe it was the catsup talking.

The teacher mentally slapped me in the head and stated procedure. All was well. There would be no saran wrapping the toilet seats during lunch. No girls dragging boys into the bathroom and laughing manically or plugging up the sinks with toilet paper and watching water flood the bathroom. That's the stuff of second grade. No need to rush them so young.

That was about it for kindergarten graduation. A rite of passage of sorts, punctuated by ample nostril picking and confusion.

As an aside, we are going to hold an ad hoc 'completion' ceremony for the kindergarteners off-premises the weekend after school closes, and will invite all of the parents. There'll be photo ops, popsicles, music, and, in a decidedly un-graduation behavior, the bunny hop up to the front to gather 'certificates of completion' for kindergarten.

Naturally, there will also be the usual address to the students, filled with important information for life. It's important, after all, to never push in line, not shoot lima beans out your nose, to turn off your cell phones during Sesame Street.

And of course, most importantly, as Bill Cosby once very wisely pointed out, you should only ever kiss your horse.

Everyone else has sexual harassment lawyers.