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Blog Entry 47 of 94 Horoscopically Blonde

Life is pretty funny. From waking up in the morning and seeing yourself naked, to slipping down the driveway waving your arms about like a chicken, it's all about the humor. Death is serious. Life is hilarious. Unless you're a SeaHawks fan. Then it's tragically funny.

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Smack Talking with the Philosophers

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Contributed by: Jamie VanEaton on 8/1/2007

Ah, school! With the commencement of another educational year, there is, as well, the usual ensuing taunting behavior we sometimes see on the playgrounds and hear in cafeterias and hallways. That is sometimes where the real education is, the joys of elaborating unto other pupils the ways of "your mama". With this said, and knowing that even the famous folks were once kids with the same propensities kids have towards heckling one another, I've sometimes wondered what 'dozens' might have sounded like had some of our greatest minds committed to some heavy 'matronly' disrespect.

Here are just a few of the commentaries that might have taken place among some of the world's best-known philosophic minds.

Descartes: I asked your daddy if your mama was good looking, and he said, "I think not." And he disappeared! So you don't even have a daddy. But everybody's had your mama.

Freud: Tell me about your mama.

Sartre: Your mama died. In a café. At night. In the rain.

Camus: Sisyphus said, "I thought I was going to have to push this rock up a hill forever. And then I found out it was your mama."

Nietzsche: Your mama is dead.

Schrödinger: I shut the box and opened it again. And there was your mama!

Locke: In a natural state, your mama is so dumb, she tried to set the tabula rasa with Chinette.

Rousseau: In man's natural state, man is neither inherently good nor inherently bad. But then he saw your mama and decided inherently ugly.

Jefferson: That we are endowed with life, liberty and the pursuit of your mama.

Hume: She is ugly; therefore she is your mama.

Kant: She is your mama; therefore, she is ugly.

Hegel: Your mama is so fat she broke the dialectical cycle.

Plato: Your mama is so fat that when she sits around the cave, she eats the shadows.

Machiavelli: Your mama is so old she owes the Prince a buck.

Thoreau: I refuse to talk about your mama.

Kierkegaard: To have faith is to have doubt. So to have faith in God means you have to have some doubt that God exists. And that may be so, because I've seen your mama.

Ayn Rand: Man - all of mankind - is an end in himself, not the means to the ends of others. But your mama is so fat, this means she never ends.

Voltaire: If God didn't exist, man would invent him. That's because we've seen your mama.

Bacon: Knowledge is power. But the only power your mama has is in her armpits.

Schopenhauer: Denial of the will is attained by:
1. Knowing such great grief through experience that the will to live is gone;
2. Knowing that through the experiences of others people, life is tragedy; or
3. Knowing your mama.

William James: When something is aesthetically beautiful we notice, speaking most simply and purely, there is enjoyment through lines, shapes masses, combinations of shades and colors, auditory response, the overall result is sensational, an overwhelming being in that which is visual and is essential, and not because of other secondary senses which might be brought forth in the same moment...

...Unless it's your mama.

Because your mama's just ugly

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Submitted By: Jamie VanEaton

posted on 8/18/2007 @ 10:06:31 AM

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When the student is ready, the master appears. When your mama appears, she's always ready. ~Buddhist Proverb

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Submitted By: William Boucher

posted on 8/8/2007 @ 11:45:34 PM

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Difference between a parrot and yo momma: you can teach a parrot to say no.

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Submitted By: Barbara Neff

posted on 8/7/2007 @ 11:18:06 AM

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Rodney King: Why can't we just all get your mama? Oh, wait. We already have.

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Submitted By: Jamie VanEaton

posted on 8/7/2007 @ 7:25:29 AM

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Edison: I believe that the science of chemistry alone almost proves the existence of an intelligent creator. That's because there's no other way to explain anyone having chemistry with yo mama

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Submitted By: Jamie VanEaton

posted on 8/7/2007 @ 7:22:59 AM

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Copernicus: The Earth revolves around the sun, but yo mama is so fat that she bent over and blocked it out.

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Submitted By: Mike Keleman

posted on 8/7/2007 @ 5:50:48 AM

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OK, that one just hurt my brain...

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Submitted By: Jeff Thomas

posted on 8/6/2007 @ 2:03:48 PM

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Okay, had to try my hand after being humiliated. Winston Churchill, on being drunk: "I will be sober in the morning, but your mama will still be ugly."

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Submitted By: William Boucher

posted on 8/6/2007 @ 8:18:34 AM

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Kerouac: "On Yo Momma".

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Submitted By: William Boucher

posted on 8/6/2007 @ 8:17:32 AM

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Melville: Yo momma so stupid, she thinks reading "Moby Dick" is something blind hookers do.

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Submitted By: William Boucher

posted on 8/6/2007 @ 8:10:15 AM

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Newton: A force in motion tends to stay in motion. A force at rest tends to be yo momma.

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CONTRIBUTOR INFORMATION

Jamie VanEaton

Longmont , CO

Jamie VanEaton has posted 94 blog entries and 772 comments since joining on 1/24/2007. Jamie VanEaton 's average blog rating is 4.98.

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