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Blog Entry 72 of 94 Horoscopically Blonde

Life is pretty funny. From waking up in the morning and seeing yourself naked, to slipping down the driveway waving your arms about like a chicken, it's all about the humor. Death is serious. Life is hilarious. Unless you're a SeaHawks fan. Then it's tragically funny.

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Vini, Vidi, Restroom

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Contributed by: Jamie VanEaton on 1/15/2008

I went to a weight loss support group yesterday.

I knew the loss was going to be huge, but I didn't want to go in there with a 8 pound loss the very first time I weighed in. I mean, it's not easy to claim you lost a Butterball turkey in water weight in just one week. So, before the meeting, I drank water. And I ate bacon, hoping to retain more water. Then I drank more soda. Then I ate more bacon. I had to use the restroom something fierce when I waddled into the waiting room where folks are in line to be weighed.

Now, there are good advantages to having a large group of folks in a weight loss group and bad advantages.

Good advantage: A lot of folks for support and a good time.

Bad advantage: A lot of folks in front of you in line to be weighed and you now have to wee.

It just never occurred to me before that point that so many of the folks would use canes and walkers, and especially not when they're in line in front of me, and I'm there with a bladder pulsing like a quasar. There goes Mahetabel: Step. Step. Readjust. Step. Step. Readjust. I was ready to scoop up the feeble woman in my arms and race her to the scale, weigh her myself, write, "Woohoo" in her weight loss book (numbers? There are numbers on the scale?) and jump in line after her.
Unfortunately, as I'm kicking my shoes off, one lady waved her cane in the air yelling, "I'm in line next! I just went to the restroom. Hang on a minute!" By this time, June is shuffling across the floor and I'm biting onto the nearby piano.

Finally, in what seemed 33 people later, some armed with shoe horns, I waddled to the scale and sucked in as much air as I thought would keep me from being insanely low in the numbers.

I exhaled when she read, "Five and three quarters pounds."

Yes! I did it! I managed to drink almost three pounds of water! The ladies were still flummoxed, however. "Five pounds. Isn't that a lot?" I shifted from leg to leg, because we all know that's where you store the extra water.

I answered, "Not really. It's just water weight!" and with that, I grabbed my weight recording book and ran for the bathroom. I got there, too-- just in time to see the door close behind Mahetabel.

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Showing 1-10 of 12 comments

Submitted By: Jamie VanEaton

posted on 1/21/2008 @ 4:03:51 PM

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Thank you, Nikki. That was a moment born of beverage overload.

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Submitted By: Jamie VanEaton

posted on 1/21/2008 @ 4:03:26 PM

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Bill, you can wear my mumu if it pleases you! I read that you are going to be active. I am sending you my best wishes. Let us know your address so we can send you stuff!

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Submitted By: Nikki Britain

posted on 1/21/2008 @ 5:48:34 AM

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..."a bladder pulsing like a quasar." Absolutely brilliant!

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Submitted By: Bill Prather

posted on 1/20/2008 @ 1:31:46 AM

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Great stuff, Jamie! I'm suddenly trying to lose weight myself. Have to make weight for the Army. Seems there's this weight standard or something! Since it seems you won't do it, I guess I'll indulge Mike. Can I borrow your bikini?

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Submitted By: Jamie VanEaton

posted on 1/18/2008 @ 3:10:04 PM

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You're sweet! I'm going to adopt you.

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Submitted By: Mike Keleman

posted on 1/17/2008 @ 12:43:12 PM

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Forgot my stars...

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Submitted By: Jamie VanEaton

posted on 1/16/2008 @ 2:39:47 PM

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I wasn't going to miss the entire meeting because of a handful of flax crackers! :oO

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Submitted By: William Boucher

posted on 1/16/2008 @ 12:15:13 PM

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Shoot, a nice poop is good for two pounds.

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Submitted By: Jamie VanEaton

posted on 1/16/2008 @ 10:23:21 AM

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That would be a Jerry Springer show right there.

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Submitted By: Mike Keleman

posted on 1/16/2008 @ 6:26:49 AM

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Weight loss program, you? Serious? I think you should let the Yourhub users be the judge of that by posting a photo of yourself in your bikini doing your best American Gladiator pose.

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CONTRIBUTOR INFORMATION

Jamie VanEaton

Longmont , CO

Jamie VanEaton has posted 94 blog entries and 772 comments since joining on 1/24/2007. Jamie VanEaton 's average blog rating is 4.98.

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