When battle-fatigued Americans returned hone from Vietnam, they left behind riddled bodies and many harbored thoughts of "why" they had been sent. Killing was not easy so conscience had to be left behind. How does a human disembowel a fellow human without remembering and "taking the thought with him to breakfast and church?" It worried me when I heard Benito Chavez' account of his life, his need to do what God opposed - kill - his hurt to be victimized by an identity thief, his decision to "turn the other cheek" to those who cursed and spit at returning vets and then resume life as it was meant to be lived-in the service of others. This is Ben's story as diagnosed by David, its author.

Benito Renaldo (Ben) Chavez, commander of American Legion Post 32 in Longmont, lives daily nightmares.

Integrity wouldn't let him accept his Silver Star Medal after he learned that the man who recommended him for the award had lied, claimed what Ben had done, and awarded a Bronze Medal to himself.

Then a second act of integrity, principal and conscience directed him to refuse three earned Purple Hearts.

Respect for those who were wounded and died at his side in action spurred him to refuse three earned Purple Heart Medals, even though members of his fighting platoon recorded him KIO (killed in action) when his right arm was seared by a 50 caliber and his left side twice more by shrapnel or small arms fire. My three wounds didn't approach those that killed or tore apart my comrades, he said.

In the eyes and minds of his comrades -- veteran patriots - he is one of a kind. Steel-eyed, teary and teeth clenched, he recalled the starting nightmares near Tuy Hoa, Vietnam, and the brutal days that followed:

"I was a fire team point man with B Co. 502, 101 st Airborne Division Infantry, 1 st Platoon 2 nd squad the evening of Feb. 5, 1966, on a hill about 5,000 meters from a village," he recalled. "All night long, the Viet Cong lobbed grenades at our positions. In the morning, we headed for the village."

Chavez squad led the platoon in front of the rest of Co. B with Chavez as point man. Before long, he found himself alone and in the middle of a fire fight. Charlie (the enemy) in front; B Co behind him.

"I fired my M-16 semi-auto to Charlie's position, then tried to advance toward a machine gun when my right arm was hit, bullet impact hard enough to completely flip me landing in a trench that bordered their position. By now, Pfc. Walter Jr. Piper and Squad Leader Sgt. (Chico) Alvarado were attempting to reach my position. Piper was riddled with bullets and Alvarado's right leg took several hits.

Chavez tossed a hand grenade into the machine gun nest apparently silencing it. He brought down two fleeing Viet Cong. A report that Chavez and his two supporting fighters had been killed in action (KOA) resulted in an air strike on the village.

­­­­­" I moved Sgt. Alvarado and Pfc. Piper to protection behind a dirt mound. Then more heavy fire and twice cigarettes were blown from my hand. After a few days of fighting, our company was reduced to eight.

A company squad leader recommended Chavez for the Silver Star Medal and Purple Heart, which he refused.

" I refused the Purple Heart because I felt I wasn't honorable enough to be in the same company of men who died and received a Purple Heart," he said. "I would not take the Silver Star because he took credit for what I did. I said I wanted it corrected, refused it and asked that it be sent back to S-4, the logistics staff officer at headquarters. I never heard back from anyone or S-4."

Benito Renaldo Chavez, battlefield commander of the 1,000 member American Legion Post 32 in Longmont, wouldn't see it any other way. It was Vietnam at its worse and a time when conscience and upbringing came to bear.

At the ceremony preceding decorations, he refused the Silver Star Medal high award when he learned that the sergeant who recommended him for bravery in action omitted the events that qualified Ben for gallantry in action. Instead, the sergeant, who had remained the distance of half a football field from the fire fight, also falsely recommended himself for the Bronze Star, claiming to have duplicated Ben's bravery.

Ben became a civilian, returned to school and became a model citizen and it is that integrity and religious and divine guidance that have provided peace of mind.

Born on the 4 th of July in Trinidad, Colorado, 62 years ago Ben Chavez was one of 12 siblings whose father was a farm worker. He completed 16 years of higher education and taught physical education for 27 years. Prior to his service in Vietnam, Ben was nominated by his neighbors through the local Colorado State Representative to attend West Point. Because he felt his academics were not up to par, he did not accept the nomination and volunteered for Vietnam instead. He derives personal satisfaction working as a hospital volunteer and assisting the elderly.

But the war years had brought on disillusionment and he questions the reasoning for going to war in Vietnam and Iraq.

"Everything that's in the Good Book is against the policies of war, but the army trains you how to kill, kill, kill then "doesn't detrain us," he said in a moment of thought.

"They're lying to our boys just like they lied to us," he said (about the reasons for going to war.) "We're wasting our time in Iraq."