PARALLEL PARKING IS HARDER WHEN YOU'VE BEEN DRINKING
Inability to parallel park may have led to the arrest of a 34-year-old Longmont man for investigation of DUI near the intersection of 17th Avenue and Centennial Drive at 11:29 p.m. May 12, according to reports. An officer responding to a Report Every Drunk Driver Immediately report said he found the suspect repeatedly attempting to park his car facing southbound on the east side of Centennial Drive (or facing the wrong way), braking very hard and suddenly as he made the attempt several times. The suspect, who refused to take roadside or chemical sobriety tests, was booked and held at Boulder County Jail.

30-YEAR-OLD WOMAN TELLS POLICE SHE'S 13 OR 14
An inability to count apparently helped lead to the arrest of a 30-year-old Longmont woman on suspicion of criminal impersonation and possession of drug paraphernalia, according to Longmont Police reports. Police said the suspect was a passenger in a car that was stopped near 8th Avenue and Lashley Street at 4:20 p.m. May 29. During a traffic stop police arrested the male driver on suspicion of driving on a suspended license and found an alleged drug pipe found in the center console of the car. The initial officer said he attempted to establish the identity of the woman to decide whether she would be allowed to drive the car, which also had a child passenger, home from the scene. The suspect replied that she had no identification, nor had she ever been issued any state identification, police said. The officer said the suspect gave her correct last name, but a different first name and a birth date in 1991. "I asked her age, and she responded 13, but I'm almost 14," the officer stated in his report. "I advised the (30-year-old) female that the date of birth she had provided me and the age did not match up," the officer said. "The female replied that they did." A detective who responded to the scene recognized the suspect, who was found to also have a warrant for her arrest on a charge of criminal impersonation from Boulder County.

MAN WRITES WOMAN LOVE LETTER FROM JAIL, IS REARRESTED
Writing a love letter from jail to a woman who had a restraining order against him and was expected to testify against him in court ended in the arrest of a 40-year-old Longmont man at 12:50 p.m. June 26, according to reports from Longmont police. Police said they arrested the man at Boulder County Jail, 3200 Airport Road in Boulder, after the woman brought the letter to their attention. In the letter, the suspect offered to allow the woman to use his cell phone, although he noted she would have to retrieve the phone charger from another woman, with whom he had recently broke off relations. He was booked on suspicion of tampering with a witness and violating a restraining order and left in jail.

'HOW DO I TURN THEM ON?'
Driving without headlights on the 700 block of Main Street at 12:33 a.m. July 14, a 39-year-old Longmont man was stopped near the intersection of Sixth Avenue and Pratt Street and arrested for investigation of DUI, driving without headlamps, weaving and making a dangerous lane change, according to reports. "I know I was driving without my lights on," the suspect allegedly told police. "How do I turn them on?"

MAN HITS WOMAN FOR DRINKING HIS BEER
A 53- year-old Longmont man was arrested at 12:36 a.m. Sept.23 on the 1400 block of Centennial Drive on suspicion of domestic violence and third-degree assault. Police said that the man visited his girlfriend's house, where his girlfriend and her friend were apparently waiting for him on the porch. Police said the man then accused the women of "drinking his beer." The woman denied doing so, and walked into the house, where the man followed and allegedly punched her in the chest. According to the report, the woman told police that she didn't want the man arrested because he was "going through a hard time" with his mother on her death bed. Officers told her that it didn't matter what kind of time he was going through or if she wanted him arrested. Officers arrested the man and he was held at the Boulder County Jail.

MAN ARRESTED FOR DUI OPENS BEER IN FRONT OF OFFICER
A 26-year-old Longmont man was arrested at 11:05 p.m. Sept.29 on the 500block of Summer Hawk Drive on suspicion of second-degree assault, theft, resisting arrest and DUI. Officers saw the man driving a van with no lights on backing into a construction site. The officer then ran his plates and when the number came back as invalid, the officer pulled the man over and saw multiple beer boxes laying on the floor of his van. According to police, the man was acting strange and when asked his date of birth, he turned away from the cop and reached into his center console. The officer drew his gun, but the man grinned and pulled out a can of beer and opened it. The officer knocked the beer can out of the man's hands. The 26-year-old then attempted to start the van but the officer pulled him out the vehicle. There was allegedly a struggle that involved three Good Samaritans helping the officer put handcuffs on the man. When they searched the van, they found a cooler full of ice and beer and also found plywood that was apparently stolen in addition to a license plate with a different number. The man was arrested and held at Boulder County Jail.

MAN AVOIDS HITTING OFFICER, REAR ENDS HIM LATER
A 31-year-old Longmont man was arrested at 7:40 a.m. Nov.6 at the intersection of First Avenue and Main Street on suspicion of driving under the influence and reckless endangerment. Police received a call from a fellow officer who had just been the victim of a hit and run. The officer, who was attempting to turn, told police that the man almost ran into his cruiser when he ran a red light. Because he missed, however, the officer and the man both kept driving. The officer later saw the same man approach him from the rear. The officer, who believed the man wanted to apologize for almost hitting him, slowed down and was subsequently rear ended by the man, who drove off. When police found the man, they told him to remove his car keys from the ignition and drop them outside of the car. The man obliged, but as he got out of his vehicle, he turned around and picked up the keys from the ground, and despite protests from the officers, put them in is front pocket. When arrested, the man admitted to drinking and told officers he had no idea he had struck another car. The man was held at the Boulder County Jail.

KIDS PLAY HIDE AND SEEK WITH OFFICERS
A 21-year-old Longmont man was arrested at 5:49 a.m. Nov.20on the 3500 block of Blue Stem Avenue on suspicion of theft, criminal mischief and contributing to the delinquency of a minor. Police responded to a call of criminal mischief in progress. When police arrived to the area, they saw a jeep pull over to the side of the road and turn its headlights off. When police approached the car, they didn't see any people inside, but one juvenile male popped his head up, made eye contact with the police officer and moved his head back down quickly. One of the three juveniles told police that the man had been damaging neighborhood cars. The man was held at the Boulder County Jail.

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Editor's note: Read other standout 2007 police blotter items here.