Dukes primer for dogs

This is for all the dogs out there that have learned a little of human talk. I will address the dogs that because of inbreeding can only talk dog, later.

Some of the things you need to know to get along with your human are very easy. For instance. There are two types of humans. The ones that spoil you and dress you up with pink bows in your hair, put little coats on you and feed you all the time. And then there are the ones that expect you to work for your food. It is easy to figure out how your master/mistress falls in these two catagories. Generally it is the women humans that like to dress you up and they are also the ones that are eating all the time so if you hang around them it is more likely that they will feed you. Their hands smell like food and they are usually quite plump.

The other type of human are usually man humans and they wear big things on their paws that they call "boots" and the 'boots' smell like dirt, car oil and grass. They also expect you to chase after animals and bring back birds that are dead. But they like to go out in the fields with their noise sticks and they pet you a lot when you bring back a dead bird. Yes they are a little strange but fun to be with and they do not make you wear pink bows.

Food:

Food is an important part about being a pet. And some dogs have masters that forget about you being hungry and then you hurt in your tummy. Here are some tips on finding food if your masters just sit and watch their black window boxes. In the room that smells like food and has the hot white box with a window in it, there is a tall white box that is called a "fridge". This is where the humans store food. Hang around in this room and when ever someone opens this tall white box, quickly stick your nose in and see what you can find on the bottom shelf. Most humans only look at the top shelves and they will not notice you down there. If you are fast enough you can grab some food and get behind the long chair in the front room where you can enjoy your prize.

I have found another smaller white box that has some food in it. It is called a "dish washer" and when the humans are putting dishes in it you will find that many of the dishes (that is the round things that humans eat their food off of) have lots of food left on them. You can get several licks in on the dishes before they get more dishes from the table and see what you are doing. Sometimes they think you are just cute cleaning up dishes and do not stop you.

Now this last tip may get you in trouble so you must use it at your own risk. The dog food is kept in a big sack ( a sack is a paper tube that humans buy dog food in) and it will be in a little room called a "pantry". If all else fails and you are soooo hungry, go to the little room and scratch the door open with your toe nails and find the sack. Your nose will tell you when you have the right one. The paper that this sack is made out of will tear real easy with your teeth. But only make a little hole just big enough to get some food out but not big enough for all the food to fall out. (humans are not that dumb, they will see a big mess of dog food on the floor) eat your fill and then with your nose push the paper back over the hole.

Now for those dogs that do not understand human talk this is for them.

Bark Bark Bark, woof woof woof Bow wow Bow wow, snarl snarl, whine Bark, woof, whine whine, Bow wow wow, yelp yelp yelp, yike yike and bark bark.

In my next story I will tell you dogs how to get things you want and how to get along with humans that are strangers.

Thank you for reading my stories.

Duke the Dog