Article Contributed on: 8/15/2006 8:21:15 PM
I have a hidden talent which won't ever appear on a resume. I can smell poop a mile away, whether it is in someone's diaper, or on my shoe. Like the Sid the Sloth on "Ice Age" says: "Why am I the poop checker?
If you haven't noticed, we parents seem to talk about poop a lot. We discuss baby poop, toddler poop, dog poop, etc. We worry about the color and consistency, when to potty train, and more importantly how to get kids out of pull-ups before kindergarten starts. We worry when they don't poop for three days, and we worry if they poop three times in one day. It is never ending.
No one ever tells you how much poop is involved in parenting.
Between the dogs and the kids, I seem to clean up a lot of poop at my house. We brought our puppy home with giardia, which lead to three entire days devoted to scrubbing the carpet. And when you have boys there is always some little present in the form of a skid mark in their underpants, even after the bulk of it (hopefully) landed in the potty-or rolled down their leg, onto the floor, where the dog swooped it up like a tasty treat.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I used an old toothbrush to scrub hardened dog poop out of the treads on one of the kid's sneakers. It is a task I would pay someone to do for me. And if an accident happens in the Superman underwear? Forget it, they become disposable. There is no way I am dunking them in the toilet.
Poop-smearing has been a popular pastime with my toddler. The first time he did it, I called my husband crying. My formerly cute baby wriggled out of his diaper during a nap, and smeared the contents all over his hair, wall, bed, clothes and beloved Elmo. Talk about a nervous breakdown. I didn't know what to do with a child who was covered from head to toe in poop the consistency of peanut butter. They don't put that in the baby manual. Yes, it has happened more than once. He also finds dog piles in the yard and brings them to me.
Poop is not fun. Not fun at all.