We are going to Las Vegas in one week. Just me and the spouse. No pets. No kids. Just us. It has been six months since the twins were born and (surprise! surprise!) we've yet to kill them or each other. That's worth a little trip, we think.

We lived in Vegas many years ago after we were first married. I hated it. Dusty. Windy. So damn hot in July that it was like entering the bowels of hell every time you stepped outside. I still carry a big bottle of water with me in the car everywhere I go as some sort of continued reaction to living there. And when someone utters the words "Spaghetti Bowl", I involuntarily shudder and suffer flashbacks of the Russian Roulette that was driving through that particular stretch of Interstate 15 during rush hour. In my mind it will always be a Sunny Place with Shady People. (Exactly opposite of our next city of residence....Seattle.) Even so...........

I love visiting the city of Las Vegas!! I like to eat. I like to have a couple cocktails. And I like to gamble. Sometimes (do NOT lecture me!) I even smoke the odd cigarette. Vegas for me is a "Big People" destination. (Imagine my horror when, in the late 80's and early 90's, the city decided to attempt to attract more families by building "resorts" like Treasure Island and The Excalibur. What I don't want to see or hear while shoveling twenties into some video poker machine are children.) But I think this trip will be a bit different.

Our selected suite has a king-sized bed with a pillow-top mattress and 800 thread count sheets. I plan to sleep for twelve hours per night. I will not hear babies crying.

It has a Bose Wave Radio which I will set to the local jazz channel. I will fall asleep to music instead of the white noise hum of a baby monitor.

The bathroom has an oversized steam shower with multiple shower heads and an unlimited supply of hot water. I plan to stand in that shower until my fingers wrinkle.

There is a plasma "flattie" television in the room. I will watch things full of adult language, without any educational value whatsoever, and I will absolutely NOT watch anything with cartoon characters, not even "South Park".

Room service will bring food (which someone else has prepared) and I will eat then leave my dirty dishes on a tray in the hallway. (someone else will take them somewhere else and yet another someone will wash them and put them away.) Unlike my home, these someones will be paid and tipped.

If during the vacation, I feel tired or even just a bit worn down, I will adjourn back up to the hotel room. I will nap. For as long as I want to. And when I wake up I will take another two hour shower.

When we go out to dinner I will wear outfits not festooned with baby gack and dog hair. I will feed myself. My husband will feed himself. We will each do so without juggling a squirmy baby on our laps. We will both drink wine. The restaurants we choose will not have "kid's menus" and they will have actual, lit candles on the tables which neither of us will melt crayons into. We will not ask each other "How much longer 'til dessert?". We may even leisurely drink coffee after dinner. Neither of us will whine about being bored and wanting more crayons. When we leave the table it will not look like a box of Cheerios exploded there.

And at the spa (yes, the SPA) no one will ask me why I'm putting smelly mud stuff on my face. I will have a massage for fifty entire minutes and not have to sleep with the masseur. I will sit in the Jacuzzi tub for as long as I want without anyone banging on the door telling me they need to poop. Not once during my entire spa experience will I hear babies crying.