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Our million dollar maker - A guidebook to children

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Contributed by: Jennifer Coppola on 11/24/2006

Ihave spent the past few days reveling in all that is a dysfunctional family, attending my sister's wedding on Tuesday afternoon and then two days of Thanksgiving feasts on Wednesday and Thursday. In my family alone, there are my parents, three siblings, all of our spouses and last but not least, the grandchildren - seven in all with an eighth on the way. After all is said and done, that's seventeen people in our bunch. With work, kids and living out of state, we don't all get together but maybe once a year. But when we do, chaos surely ensues.

My two boys are on both the top and bottom end of the grandkid age range, due to our wanting one out of college before the financial strain of the next child continuing their education. A decision we made that put the boys almost exactly five years apart at six and 20 months. They are beautiful children and have the most amazing personalities. The older one is blond hair and blue eyes, with a social personality to match that of Regis Philbin. The younger one has brown hair and eyes and is often referred to as our little professor because he is quiet and prefers to sit on the outskirts of what is happening.

The past two nights, while the children ran through the house being chased after by Nana (or Grandma depending on the grandkid), we siblings and corresponding spouses sat and played a little Texas Hold 'Em. This is a great game for socializing and catching up with people. It gives the men something to do while talking - because real men don't just sit and talk - and it gets everyone involved. Although there are some minor similarities amongst us siblings, I don't think you could get a bunch of people together by random that are as polar opposite in personality as we are. Some of that goes back to the age spread (38, 36, 29, 26) and some is just who we are.

However, in all of the talk about life, we kept coming back to conversations about our kids, in which we could find some common ground. The funny things they say, the buttons they like to push, the difference in personalities, the struggles with school, and the times we are all at a loss on what to do next. This led us to the fact that parenting is hard and there is no tried and true method, but with all our kids, our parents, our spouses and their parents, we have a pretty vast pool of knowledge and failures. If we could just put all of that together into a real life guidebook and then hook up with Dr. Phil or Oprah's book list or something, we might just be onto something that would make us millions. So we brainstormed on chapter topics and here are just a few I thought I would share:

1) The Picture Phenomenon - the exact science in discovering the ratio of pictures taken of your first child to pictures taken of subsequent children
2) Survivor's Guide to Diaper Blowouts - including first hand accounts of what to do when you left the diaper bag at home and creative ways to get out of the "honey will you come look at/smell this" moments.
3) Practice Your Parent Mask - with graphical representation on achieving the glare needed for other shoppers while your two year old throws a tantrum in the frozen chicken aisle and the much needed "don't laugh because it will encourage them to do it again" no reaction at all face, plus many others.
4) Choose Your Ending - role playing question and answer possibilities when your kids start to want to discuss all that is life "What is hamburger made out of?" "Why is the sky blue?" "Why can't we afford a yacht like Muffy's mom and dad?" You read the question and then choose the best ending with helpful tips and tricks on how to handle the difficult follow up questions.
5) Child Labor - how to get your children to do as much around the house without the local authorities stepping in.
6) Arguing Effectively With Your Children - yes at forty years old, you will argue with your nine year old, so how do you win?
7) The Best Practices of Ignoring - as a parent you will have to learn this one very quickly. From ignoring advice on what not to do during pregnancy, to the helpful comments of the in-laws, to the "I want McDonalds" blaring in the back seat of your once quiet SUV, these best practices will prepare you to keep your calm in any situation.
8) Parental Slang - alternative words for all of those complicated moments

This is just the beginning of many conversations that we will have on kids and it's nice to have this topic to bring us together. And maybe that is how we end the book we will never write.

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Jennifer Coppola

Parker , CO

Jennifer Coppola has posted 8 blog entries and 2 comments since joining on 11/15/2006. Jennifer Coppola 's average blog rating is 5.

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