This weekend The Flu made its appearance at our house and because apparently I was Genghis Kahn in my former life, this nasty bug has affected all of the home's inhabitants with the exception of me.

So, the role Mama here is playing in this germ-infested telenovela is "Mrs. Vomitus Vamoosus", the Puke Picker-Upper. As I emailed to someone earlier, I've now cleaned up more upchuck than the bathroom attendant at a Motley Crue show with an open bar.

Such smelly fun. Thus far, I've used up one bottle of lemon scented Pine Sol, two entire rolls of paper towels, and half a box of Tide. What nerves I have remaining have stopped synapsing out of self-preservation and The Suicide Prevention Hotline is on speed dial.

I've had a lot of time to think while cleaning up. And mostly I've been thinking of barf. More specifically, how many different ways there be to refer to the emptying of one's particular stomach contents.

From the rather erudite..... disgorge, regurgitate, egest, purge, bring up dinner, and of course, All Things ReConsidered, which, I believe, is favored mostly by those devout listeners of National Public Radio.

To the clinical.... emesis (vomit as referred to by doctors, therefore, more expensive, Latin vomit) and hyperemesis (how the MD says 'More vomit! Much, much more!!').

Some phrases more alliterative, nearly lyrical..... pitch your porridge, launch your lunch, the Big Yak Attack, release some pieces, burping churds or the ever-poetic From the tummy, past the gums, watch out Mama, here it comes!

The foreign...... A Chunder from Down Under (thank you, New Zealand) or The Queen's Christmas Message (gracias, England).

The highly descriptive.......... The Big Spit, punching the round trip meal ticket, having an oral movement, conducting an internal audit or even tripping the tongue fantastic.

The short, punchy words..... heave, hurl, hork, gag, garp, gack, gork, retch, and spew.

The grade school classics..... throw up, blow your chunks, or perhaps you'd rather just toss your cookies or bag a moose?

Most of us have at some low point in our lives........... hugged the toilet, prayed to the porcelain god, or even talked to Ralph and Earl about a Buick on the big, white Commode-A-Phone, as I once did after a particularly soulful tango with an entire bottle of cherry-flavored vodka.

Then there are the rest of the phrases........... protein spill, reverse gears, unswallow, give back, laugh at the carpet, blurg a chunkie or what my now-feverish six year old refers to simply as The Blatz.

Well, I must run. It seems someone has been doing a little Karen Carpentry on the living room rug and I need to clean up the Technicolor Yawn before the dog gets to it. Have a great weekend! Don't let the spit up get you down.