With permission, I am posting this email I received from an old high school friend this afternoon:

I'm wiping the tears of laughter away as I write this. Seriously, Brian, you are a gentleman and a scholar. And one of the funniest fellas to ever fall over on a motorcycle while not intoxicated with anything but your own self-destructive youth!

I would like to post this email to my blog site. Obviously, only with your permission (and rest-assured, you will be given complete creative credit).

This is some of the funniest stuff I've read in quite awhile. (Of course, court documents are not typically known for their humor content.) But I would like to share it with my tiny group of readers as I think it would brighten a gloomy, cold, snowy, 'gee, I wish I lived in San Diego right now' kind of day.

Whadya say, Dirtball?

----- Original Message -----

Sent: Friday, December 14, 2007 2:07 PM

Subject: 40 Never Sounded Better

Nik,

So, now that you've hit (OK, not till Tuesday, but ...) the big 4-0, I thought you could use some sure-fire retorts to the kinds of dumb-a** questions and comments you're bound to get over the next few weeks in particular and over the next year in general. Practice them. Use them. Scare and belittle the idiots with them.

All of these were written specifically with you in mind, though in all honesty, I profess no real knowledge in how coins might or might not bounce when chucked at your posterior, nor your propensity to multiple orgasms. Frankly, in the spirit of poetic license, I took a chance.

So, without any further adieu ...

The top 15 smart-a** answers from a hot woman to the top 12 dumb-a** questions about turning 40.

Q: 40 huh? Gonna take up needlepoint now?
A: (Said sincerely ...) No, my new hobby is to walk past guys in their 20s and whistle "Mrs. Robinson."

Q: So, how does it feel to turn 40?
(Answer to a dumb-a**ed older person)
A: Better than it did for you, I'm sure.

(Answer to a dumb-a**ed younger person)
A: (Said sweetly) Ask again and you'll never know.

Q: 40, that's a bummer, huh?
A: Nope, now that I've finally met the age requirement, I'm officially the hottest MILF in the PTA.

Q: Are you over the hill now?
A: As long as the check-out boy at the supermarket keeps staring at THESE hills (grab breasts), I don't think I'm over THE hill.

Q: So, 40 sure is a big number, huh?
A: I don't really know. I've always been so hot no one makes me do the math.

Q: Do you feel any different now that you're 40?
A: Nope. Same old multiple orgasms every time I have sex.

Q: What's the worst part about turning 40?
A: Hmmmm. Probably the dumb-a** questions.

Q: So, the old body starting to break down now that you're 40?
A: Well, my liver surrendered back when I was 25, but fortunately you can still bounce a quarter off my a**.

Q: Well, you may be older, but at least you're wiser, right?
A: Totally! The cops hardly ever find the bodies anymore.

Q: Is that gray hair I see?
A: No, its a thin piece of wire I keep concealed in case I want to garrote someone.

Q: So, you switching to prune juice (Metamucil, whatever) for your morning drink now?
A: No, it doesn't mix well with my Stoli.