Croup (croop). Childhood disease characterized by a resonant barking cough, suffocative and difficult breathing and laryngeal spasm.
-from the Taber's Cyclopedic Medical Dictionary, edition 17
Both babies were diagnosed with croup this weekend. Welcome to the fifth level of hell. Babies with croup do not sleep, ergo the hapless mother of said babies also does not sleep. I believe at last count I have logged some six and a half hours of the ol' shut eye since Saturday. But at least my laundry is caught up for the first time since they were born six months ago. And without further ado...
How to Survive When Twins Are Diagnosed With "Croup"
- Have an understanding pediatrician who knows you will be calling the answering service multiple times over the weekend. (SIDEBAR: The Murphy's Law of Parenting clearly states that "croup" will never occur Monday through Friday during office hours.)
- For medicinal purposes, the mother should put just a little bit of Baileys in her morning coffee. She does not have to share with her husband.
- Utilize your IPod! Earbuds in and volume up, folks!! My personal songlist includes such classics as:
- You Can't Always Get What You Want- Rolling Stones
- Turning Japanese- The Vapors
- Ain't That A Kick In The Head- Dean Martin
- Just Another Day- Oingo Boingo
- Home For Sale- Dwight Yoakam
- Call a sympathetic friend. Preferably one with children. Sick children.
- Be glad you agreed to invest in that ridiculous pool table for the basement your husband insisted upon. This is a good place for your 6 year-old.
- Remember that "croup", like all viral infections and swallowed pennies, will pass. And that this is a story for your next Mothers of Multiples meeting.
- Don't feel guilty about taking a long shower. A really LONG shower.
- It is okay (and perfectly normal) to mentally write an eBay ad for the sale of your children. Do not overprice them. What you want are bids.
- Try not to think to yourself that this whole "croup thing" would be much easier if it were only one baby you were dealing with.
- Now might be the time when you want to open that bottle of white wine. The people who say you shouldn't drink wine before 4pm obviously never had twin infants with "croup".
- Get real comfortable with your rocking chair. Plan to spend a great deal of time rocking a baby in it. Then plan to rock the other one.
- Pet the dog. She may keep you up some nights with her barking but never with her barking cough.
- Sometimes a big glass of wine is a good thing.
- Call your husband at work while you are in the babies' room and they are screeching. It is good for him to understand (or at least hear) your life.
- Try to remember that all these @#$%^&* kids will eventually grow up to have productive lives and that you and your husband will sell the family home and move into a loft downtown with no guest bedrooms.